Just smile for me..Reminisce the fond memories..

2009-11-23T19:42:00.007+08:00

21 nov, the day i will never forget till my last breath. Nenek pass away. Exactly ard 30 mins aft i came to visit her. We did not expect her to go too soon. We dun see it coming. Neither do i. I didnt noe that was my last time, my last chance to be with her.

That day, I dunnoe why but i got the strong urge to visit nenek early. My heart was telling me not to let nenek be alone. I wanna be the first person to be by herside. But then cik mah came first so i was the second person to be there. When i came cik mah was telling me nenek couldnt wake up. With her eyes closed, nenek was crying. The normal routine when i came i always usap her hair and kiss her forehead. I didnt noe that was my last time kissing her alive. I saw it too, nenek was crying. I wipe off her tears few times. Then abah came. Minutes later, i saw something was not right. Nenek breathing was different. Me and my aunt was panic. I quickly call the doc for help. Aft the doc check my nenek, nenek was salivating coz her mouth was opened. I quickly took tissue and wipe it off. Before that my aunt heard nenek mengucap. I saw it. I really saw it. I saw nenek was dying right before my eyes. I saw every moment. Me and cik mah was there during her last breath.

Unfortunately abah went away for a while. When abah came i told him what happened. The 3 of us was panic. I witness nenek went away. I saw her face from normal skin colour to pale. Then aunt and abah started calling everyone telling them nenek pass away. I stood there dumbstruck. I was in denial. I noe nenek hadnt go yet. Coz the doc told us they are helping to revive nenek. Doc told us that she had stop breathing but her heart still beats. I was shaking with tears flowing down my cheek. Then came the moment doc pronouced her dead. I am still in denial. I was the first person to kiss nenek on her forehead. I couldnt stop crying by then. To me, she was sleeping. Sleeping peacefully.

On the night itself nenek was brought to my uncle house. I read yaasin for nenek 2 times. I still couldnt believe she's gone. The next day was the last day we're gonna see nenek. Aft dikafankn its time for us to kiss her gdbye forever. Before that while they mandikn, i was crying non stop. Coz i kept on flashing back during her last breath. I get to kiss her. It felt so cold. That was the last time. Everyone get to kiss her. I followed to cemetery. We girls are not being encourage to go kubor. So us girls stand from far and look. That was the last time i saw nenek. Again i was sobbing i couldnt control my self. Aft every thing ended. Its time for us to go home. The very minute i knew nenek gonna be alone. All alone. I kept looking at nenek's grave. In my heart i was saying nenek knape nenek pegi..slamat tinggal nek..

I love my nenek soo much. I miss her. I miss her badly. Even abah realised that too. Coz everyday aft sch, i rushed off to hospital to accompany nenek. But now i dun get to do that already. When im going back home, the bus pass by cgh im reminded of nenek. How much i miss her. But at the same time im glad that im there for her till her las breath. Last thursday was my last time calling nenek and gave my salam to her. That was the last time i heard her saying wa'alaikumsalam. On friday she did not wake up. She chose not to. Till today. Nenek was asleep. Ya allah i miss nenek so much. I am badly affected by nenek's death. Today i went sch and they say my face was pale. Im not myself. Not gonna be better anytime soon. It takes time.

How much it hurts me deep down inside knowing that she's gone forever. Now i couldnt accompany nenek anymore. She's all alone. Till now, i can even smell nenek. Everyday i kiss her she had gt this powder smell. I can still hear her cough. Her breath. I miss her. Today in sch i even cried. I miss her badly. But i got to redha. Everyone will go when the time has come.

Al-fatihah
Ning bte Jamal

I miss you nenek. Semoge roh nenek dicucuri rahmat. dan semoge allah tempat kn nenek bersama org2 beriman dan dijaoh kn dari fitnah kubor dan azab api nerake. amin. Nek, nanti kite jmpe kat syurga k? I love you nenek. Wait for me k? I miss you.

2009-11-20T23:16:00.003+08:00

It's been such a hectic week for me. Too busy till i dun even have a time for my own. Its the same routine everyday. Wake up in the morning, go school, aft school off to hospital. Once i get back home i'll be so shagged. But i dun regret or find it such a hassle to be going to hospital everyday. Its all for my nenek. Be there so she won't be alone. I'll do anything for her. Ive cancelled all the happy plans. Nenek is the only one in my mind right now. Nothing else. I dun even care whatever the occasions are. Even though next wk my cousin beside my mother getting married. I dun wanna go for sure.

Last sunday, nenek was in a very critical state that all of us we told to see her for so called the last time. Her conditioned gets worsen. She was in icu. Ard 12 aftnoon we rushed to hospital. Once we step in the icu, my heart was shattered to million pieces. Nenek had this tube for sucking out her phlegms and not forgetting all kinds of wire attached to her. It was very sad. Abah was the first one to cry then followed by me and my aunt. We read her the prayers and asked to mengucap. It was really really sad that i couldnt stop crying. Then, in the aftnoon everyone agreed to take out this tube that was insert in her body bcoz of her cancer. The doc told us that aft taking out that tube, the chances for her to live maybe 1 min, 1 hour or 3 days. But it all lies in the hand of allah. Then came the moment where everyone gathered in the icu and say some prayers and read the alfatihah for nenek. Again i was sobbing in tears. So do everyone.

Imagine this, nenek was wide awake but not aware of whats happening. I really pity her. I can't bear to lose her. I dun want her to go just bcoz they took out that tube. Then we waited and waited and waited. But alhamdulilah nenek survived till today. Alhamdulilah ya allah. But she had to struggle breathing by herself. On monday her conditioned gets worst. The doc had given up on her and moved her to normal ward. She no longer depends on that oxygen thing to survive. She's on her own. But i noe, we all noe and believe that she's a very strong woman. She fighting to live. She had a strong will to live. She suffered her cancer all alone. She is one strong woman in my life.

Everyday aft school, I rushed off to accompany her. I am really satisfied. I wanna take care of her. But today, her conditioned gets more worst. She couln't wake up when we call her nenek. I hold back my tears. Everyday, when i came i'll kiss her and say assalammualaikum nek. She will reply back. But today she chose not to. We read her the prayers and yasin. I usap2 her hair and chest and say some prayers. Me and cousin really hold back our tears. Why must nenek suffer. Before i went off, i kissed nenek so many times. I am so sad. Nenek is all alone. Tmrw gotta rush to hsptl to accompany nenek. I can never trust the nurse in cgh. So irresponsible.

One thing for sure. Everything happened for a reason. I strongly believe in that. Bcoz of this, our family bonding gets closer. Much closer. Me and the cousins can click well. Alhamdulilah. And it really changed my mindset of thinking. Makes me a stronger and brave person. Insyaallah. Its just that i really pitied nenek. I am etremely sad. Tmrw is the result whether nenek can be brought home or stay longer at the hsptl. If she had to be brought home, we have to rent that oxygen thing to support her.

Deep down inside, im crying out loud. Nenek pls hang on okay? I love you sooooo much. I always doa for you okay nenek? Be strong k we are all here for you.

Nenek pls dun go k? not anytime soon. I love you from the bottom of my heart.
All of us love you. Will always do.

Thank you so much for all those who really understand my situation right now.
I am so sorry afini that i can't be there on your bday. Thanks for understanding and always be my victim to entertained my sadness.

2009-11-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

Hey all. I'm back after such a long time of mia-ing. hah. Blame my pc for being dead for such a long time. Now bro's lappy is my only hope haha.

So my life is kind of in a mess right now. Gotta deal with loads of things yet so little time. This month is full of obstacles. Allah is giving me the biggest test in my life. I am no loger strong to face all these by myself.

Had alot of trouble in school. Iap sux big time! Teachers are being teachers. If only killing is not a sin, i would have done so. Teachers can go n fly kite! To me all teachers are the same. They love to abuse their power as a teacher. Never once in my life i met the most kinddest teacher. In my dream i guess. Nvm. its ok. Karma will get back to you damn heartless beasts!

Ok. enough bout school. I am not feeling gud right now. My heart is shattered to pieces. I am so sad. Ver very sad indeed. The fact of losing someone you love is so heartbreaking. Like ive said this is a biggest test for me. Nenek had been hospitalised since last week. Its over a week already. And now she's in icu. Fighting for her life. How much ive shed my tears won't make my sadness go away. But i have to redha. I know she's leaving us. I know it. She's been rambling nonsense eversince she's in icu. Im so heart broken to see her suffering.

Two days ago i went to visit her. She mistook me for my cousin. She couldnt even remember who just visited her a while ago. I doubt so if she can recall who i am. The minute i went in, i tried to stay calm holding back my tears seeing her with all kinds of wires being attached to her. A tube insert in her nose making it hard for her to communicate, with her both hands swelling my heart sunk. Then when its time for me and my aunt to make a move, nenek suddenly said sumthing that made me cried like someone just whacked me.

aunt:mak kite balik dulu eh?
nenek:ah yelah mak mintak maaf eh..

I knew i couldn't hold back my tears. I was sobbing in tears when i heard her saying that. When i wanted to go i usap usap her hair and told her nek pegi dulu eh. Then i went to my aunt and parents and told them wat happened. Paisey jap mate hidung sume merah. In my mind wondering why does she say that? why must she apologise? I know its the sign. And today was even more worst. Nenek told my uncle something that made me went speechless.

nenek:tadi ade budak kecik dtg sini mak tkde duit nk bagi budak tu..

I cried again when i was showering. Im ready to face whatever the fate is. Though im not strong enough to face all these. I'll frequent myself to visit her so i wont have any regrets if anything were to happen. I love my nenek n will always do. Nenek will always be in my prayers.

Ya allah kau ampunkan lah segala dosa nenek ku. Kau berikanlah ketabahan hati utk kami semua. amin.

ps: nek jgn pergi tinggal kn kite dulu k??

2009-06-02T21:25:00.002+08:00

I is feeling very sick. Ive just wasted what ive eaten. Felt better aft vomiting. Im not feeling well since aftnoon. Or its bcoz maybe im too depressed and stress right now.

Test is tmrw. And i tink im gonna die. I dun think that i can remember anything aft revising. I is read also i is dun understand how?? And ive been thinking abt tis eversince im in year 2 now. And it's actually bothering me. Coz it will affect my future of coz. And today i felt really lost and hopeless. All thx to tat juling for saying sarcastic and demoralizing remarks in class. Thx alot! Bravo!! I think its a wake up call for me? It got me thinking of am i at the right path? And this path leads me to where? I am too depressed to think abt it. There's alot in my mind rite now. I was even thinking of quiting. But wats the use. Quiting will leads me to nowhere. Like what my father use to tell me, finish up wateva ive started. yeah. haiya im in a very complicated situation rite now.

Aft graduating where do i go? Ive been thinking alot on that. Poly? in the first place i dun even tink tat im qualified in any polys. Polyclinic je yg ble. hahaha. find a job? Nowadays finding a job is hard. Or maybe fly off to another country? haha cm paham. Someone ever told me am i gonna lead a typical life? Where aft i graduate, find a job, get married, have kids and be a housewife. hmmm... But i dun see myself as a carreer woman anyways. Being a housewife is fun too. hahaha ive always wanted that as my last dreams. Haiya i is dunnoe la.

When im too stress thinking of the future, i'll always think abt those who had died of young age. Tkya nk susa2 pikiran kn. hahahaha

2009-05-31T15:14:00.003+08:00

OhmyAllah! The weather is extremely humid. Im so hot. hahaha. mintak ampun my skin is changing colour! Da mandi bnyk kali pn rase cm tk mandi. Ozone layers is getting thinner. I is feel like want to mandi ice u noe. hahaha

Newaez, yest went for Baby Qistina's cukur rambot. It was a really hot day! And to make things worse we got lost! Coz we're given wrong directions. Mintak ampun. Jauh sungguh kami berjln rupenye senang dan dekat skali. Da mintak tlg org dimane block sebenarnye baru lah kami smpai. Dan saye sungguh terpegun skali melihat deconye! Nanti saye khawin kn saye pn nk deco cm gitu. Black n purple my fav!! Weeee! Dan saye sungguh terpegun buat kali yg kedua kerane melihat shakira sudah besar sey! Da primary 2. Dan baby qistina is soo cute! dapt juge hamba menggendong nye. Happy skali rasenye. Seperti tidak sabar hendak mendirikn rumah tangge yg bahgie dan mempunyai cahaya mata. Amin. hahaha.

And so they serve the food hidang. Where u eat ramai2 on one dulang. I was laughing wen i first saw it coz its like so funny. n hambe ni pn tk perna la mkn satu dulang ngan org tk kenal. paisey. haha. And so we ate together2 wif maya's cousins. ok la jgk cume mkn skit je da kenyang haha.

lihatlah saye seperti ibu kepade bayi itu..ishishish

Im left with 2 weeks before holidays. Weee! Before that got tests liao. I is dunnoe what to study. haiya. I want to post long long but i is lazy already.
Before i end my post, u've got to see this video abt swine flu. Its soo damn funny!!!! hahahahaha

2009-05-25T22:22:00.006+08:00

Im currently so stress trying to finish Wns assignment. hergh! I can go botak finding the ans! haha. It's been sometimes since i last had to deal with something so stressful. Ni la akibat nye hadir di dlm klas tpi tidak memahami ape yg guru sedang mengajar lol. sampai nk muntah saye tau carik ans. Da la suroh tulis panjang2 haiya! kalo la suroh tulis psl makanan ke bulan ke pokok ke bintang ke ade jgk yg ako pandai menulis kn. ni ape kebende yg die nk pn ako tk sure lol lol lol! It's like i understand the whole situation, but i find it hard to ans it coz there's lots of ans and im not sure of the real ans. haha!!

And i think im suffering from heart attack. Just now i was having a real bad chest pain/chest squeezing. Its ard my heart and i can't breathe. I thot im gonna die. Till now i can still feel the pain. And my wisdom tooth pain is back! Mcm nk cabot je itu gigi! Haiya nk cabot gigi pn tk mampu cene? haha.

And i feel like baking THIS!!!

Yes! Brownies and chocolate chip cookies!! Weee sedap nye!! But den im close to broke now. Ingredients are quite expensive. I guess have to wait for july to come. Weeee!!

The other day tried making blueberry cheesecake with them. But end up making blackberry cheesecake. lol. blackberry tk sedap. It turned out ok i guess. Not a big fan of cheesecake so i dun really noe whether it turned out to be a perfect cheesecake or not. Making cheesecake it quite easy. But the ingredients are expensive. haha. And i can't wait for my holidays to come. Weee!! Gonna get my hands dirty. I love making makeovers for my house! da mcm nk raye la plak. lol. Before that can't wait for 11 june to come. weee!

k ive to continue finishing up my assignment.
byebye!

2009-05-18T21:26:00.008+08:00

Today we changed our ezlink card. And mostly everyone were complaining on the new system. Below $3 only cannot use liao. nb! Nonsense siak! haiya. These past few days been feeling hungry and craving for many kinds of food. nyahahaha!! Wats new with me and my big apetite! =X Cene la nk loose weight. Astaga. berangan jek ako ni. Tkpe one day i'll make sure i'll loose some fats!! yeah haha! And somemore tomorrow ade sumone ajak eat that waffle aft sch. SEE!! How to loose weight like this! haha!

I realised that i have this lembabness illness in me. It can make me go depressed sometimes. Can't help it. How ah?? Maybe it's due to me getting older day by day. haiya. I've been trying hard to pay attention in class but everytime when i pay attention, i can't really understand wth was teacher talking abt. nyahahha. It's like im trying hard to figure out what language are they talking. nyahahaha!!

Finally i've had my first ride on the spore flyer!! Weee! Well the ride wasn't that long. Nuthing much to do inside there. And i came to realised that i do afraid of heights. nyahahhaha!! But overall i do had fun too due to the camwhores. Ok im lazy to put pixs of the spore flyer. hah.

And today too we had fun!! Weee! Finally got to meet wawa!

And what we did was camwhore. haha! We went to tamp 1 open space and camwhore. And i couldnt stop myself from laughing. Coz there's a few pixs turn out to be funny. Mcm ade org tu pose nk step model fhm jek khakakakka!! damn funny siak!! Ako baek tau tk post gambar tu khakakakka!!

This pix is damn funny!! Attempt of taking our faces from below. hahaha!! See, nmpk tk? wawa lagi azan beh setan2 tga nk lari khakakaka!!! Funny siol!! k i let the pictures do the talking aite.

k da!!
fb is lagging!! damn. I can't wait for our mini project this wk. nyahahha. And i'm looking forward for the next trip to bird park. weeee!! And dearest pmk mates. Later june holidays we all plan an outing k. yeay. And i found tis pix! soo damn cute!! Me want more cute hamsters can???

k da bye!

2009-05-13T20:20:00.003+08:00

Today is my saket perot day. In the morning otw to school already saket perot. Butterfly in my stomach liao. Why i got butterfly in my stomach? It's due to presentation! Finally its over. I hate presentation. I dun like to talk infront of whole lot of ppl. hahaha padahal stakat bace satu slide pon maseh menggletar haha! And Ashley is so cute! haha! "Attention pls! this is my group ZOHAN" hahaha!! cute siak!!

And i'm kind of pissed off at the moment. Let me scream first k? aaarrrggghhhhhhh!@!##!$!!W@!@!! k da! haiya i hate my hair!!! Especially my fringe. damn irritating. I guess the ppl that i can never trust in my life is hairdresser. damn. Laen yg ako mintak laen yg jadinye. My hair doesn't turn out like how i want it to be! Boloh nye orang!! cb. And my hair is much shorter now. No that long anymore. nvm lah hair will grow its the matter of time haha!

And just now, syak mms me this!!!

hahahhaa!!! Ade ke patot die kate die ingat ako bile mkn waffle ni!! hahaha perangai. siak je mentang2 la ako suke mkn tgk mknan je ingat ako hahahaha!!
And tomorrow aft skool all of us will be heading to spore flyer. weeee!! Well not all of us la only some haha.
This weekend gonna spend my time copying notes and revise. hah cm paham. hahaha
ok la tats all for now. i'll update again when im not lazy.
before that lets all listen to this song by peterpan. Nice...i like..haha

2009-05-03T20:09:00.002+08:00

I am so sick. I'm down with fever and flu. NO!! Not that swine flu ok! haha. Swine flu lom agi smpai spore eh. Having a bad headache right now. Haiya tomorrow got school den got sw somemore! How?? Don't want to go school can? Then tomorrow must bring thermometer to school. Da mcm budak2 eh teringat zaman sec school during sars outbreak.

I wanna trim my hair. And my hair seems to be growing slowly! Can't wait for it to grow much much longer but at the same time i feel so rimas haha! And i wanna buy a bag. Ish ish ish tah da brape bnyk bag da ako ade kat umah haha! And since the brother wilingly wanted to buy for me the bag that i want then i can lulok one corner diam diam sulah. hahaha! That's the best thing about having elder brother. Tak lokek. nyahahaha.

And yesterday something funny happened to my whole family. Yesterday evening i followed the parents to aunt's house. There's alil gathering and i had a good time laughing. My aunts and cousins were talking about some stuff that only 18 and above can hear haha! I feel soo paisey hamba blom lagi kahwin noh haha! Then da happy2 skali bile da balek. Parents asked me whether i brought along the house keys. Then i said no. Not even my parents have the keys with them. Den the brothers weren't at home some more! Then i called lil bro and he told me he didn't brought the keys with him. Idiot tol! Then i call the bro many2 times but too bad skali tk bwk hp. Then parents started to panic at the disco liao! Father even said sampai pagi lah tk dapt masok! nyahaha. I stayed calm all along coz i knew last resort was to call the locksmith. Bingit tu bingit jugak ah tpi ape leh buat haha. At that point of time i was thinking of food coz i was hungry ley! Then the mother can even story telling about die slalu klua bwk kunci, pi kedai bwk kunci la, pi umah nenek bwk kunci la pi mane2 slalu bwk kunci lah. haha sempat mak bercerita bende da jadi ape leh buat haha!

Then bro came back and told us he forgot the keys!! Bagus sekali. Then last resort was to call the locksmith. The person told us he'll be there ard 30 mins. But 20 mins later he came. It was closed to midnite. Then he asked for ic for proof we stayed there. Hahah dlm hati ako berkate tkkn kite nk rompak ramai2 kn nyahahaha! Then die buat fast game punye! tak sampai 15 mins da le bukak pintu. Alhamdulilah. haha. And there goes 50 bucks burn just like that. Lesson learnt nxt time dun forget to bring the keys anywhere we go.

Ok la thats all for now!

2009-04-29T21:01:00.003+08:00

Early in the morning make me kanchiong already. Ade lah org susah hati pikiran ape lah skali hek eleh ingat ape haha! Today wanted to watch wolverine den suddenly tak jadi. Kesian syak. And i've watch 17 Again! me movies?? hahaha! The movie was great! Hamsem lah plak Zac Efron eh haha! See! I've been spending alot! And trust me my wallet now is much more thinner and i'm the one getting fatter hahahha!! I should stop spending on unnecessary things. Especially food hahahaha! Kalo lah ble tanam duit $2 tros tumbuh $50 bnyk2 kn best eh! hahaha!!

I think im gonna have phobia taking taxi when its raining. It's all bcoz of yesterday's incident. Yes. We, me, fini and fisa got stuck in a flood inside a taxi! It was raining heavily! We went simpang to have our lunch. When it's time for us to go back to school, it started to rain. First it was lightning and thunder that made us terkejot den tepekik cm org tk btol hahaha!! Den ade abg cine ni pinjam kn payung nk cros to bustop beh pegang tangan ako peh kuat hahhaha!! It was raining damn heavily and it's so impossible for us to take bus. We manage to get a taxi. Den got stuck infront of the flextronics company. The engine died coz due to the flood. The uncle had to stop bcoz it was red light. And bcoz of that the engine couldn't start! Den uncle kanchiong gile liao!

sape nk swim??

sempat posing!

See the flood?? When the engine stopped, the uncle kanchiong gile one! He kept on saying 'die arrrhh die aarrrhh'!!!! He kanchiong we more kanchiong siak! haha! Den he called for rescue but too bad no one came not even spiderman and superman hahahhaa!! We couldn't go out like wat the uncle said, water many many water leh! high tide passenger cannot go out! hahahha!! Many2 water hahaha. We even drew the word help on the window screen. hahahaha!! Den smpai air da masok dlm taxi somemore! Lots of car passby took pix of our taxi leh! Ade je muke ako kat stomp hahaha!! Den ako sempat wave2 kat window asking for help somemore! hahaha!! Finally the uncle can start the engine. Alhamdulilah sempat ako berdoa jap haha! Despite the kanchiongness, we had fun haha. Tkya susah2 naek boat kat laut kat road pn da ble haha!

At that point of time. I was thinking of death! hahaha! I think allah tu maha adil. Die nk kitorg rase kn cene rasenye org2 kat negeri laen kene banjir. Haha aru skit je da takot. The flood look scary to me. I think i dun wanna go to the beach and look at the sea haha. Wat if singapore gets hit by tsunami?? ish ish ish tk nk ako byg kn! knfirm tgk air je phobia tros tkya mandi buat selame lame nye hahhaha!!

And the things happening ard the world now is so scary. Dun you think so?? Adekah ini tande2 nye? ish seramnye. But i dun wanna die now leh. how???

2009-04-27T20:52:00.003+08:00

Hello world! I'm back. I've been abandoning my blog for quite sometime. Either i'm too lazy or too busy to update. Mostly i'm lazy lahhh haha. And i've got some emotional issues to handle so i went missing to prevent myself from venting my anger on the cyber world. tak bagoz tau haha.

I'm really really tired eversince skool's started. Timetable sux coz most of the days starts at 8! That's why i'm always tired coz lack of sleep. And going to school on a friday?? I find it soo funny coz the whole 1 year or infact in my whole life in ite i've never had classes on every friday! haiya. Going to school on friday is such a waste of time. Bukan nye buat pape. Masok klas on comp den gossip2 haha!! I don't really like school now coz of the merging class when it comes to theory lessons. I don't like u know. Not a really good environment to study. cheyy cm paham je ako haha! And i don't think the weekends is enough for me. So from now onwards weekends will be my rest day. So meaning i won't be going out. Except for family outings only.

And today we went sw. Satu2 saket perot pikirkn psl cikgu. haha!! And we did rock climbing. We dun use the ropes and all. Just climb and try to move to the sides. I tried once and i got stuck and couldn't move coz i think i'm too heavy to even move haha! da mcm cicak~~man~~girl! panjat je tros melekat! haha! And talking abt heavy, my weight!! masya-allah mintak ampun! Couldn't believe it with my eyes! Got to do something abt it man. But the fact is i dun really care lah haha! Mati pon tinggal tulang je. haha.

Nowadays arhhh, the weather arhhh, really arhhh cannot tahan one! It's soooooooooo hot/humid! Been perspiring alot! Mintak ampun! Da mandi pn cm tk mandi. Lebih baek takya mandi. During this times, i wish i had an aircon in my room. haiya. Rase cm nk dudok dlm aisbok je. Tpi rasenye aisbok pn tk ble muat kn ako hahahahha!! And bcoz of the weather too can make my mood swing far far far one! So beware! Dun u ever offend me in anyways coz i'll be very irritated and nxt thing i'll be like hulk! yeah! And one more thing, i is don't like RUDE ppl! Piss me off easily! EEEE yuck! wekk!! And one more thing, i is really dun like and will piss me off when ppl go out or am with me den go on talking on the phone many2 times one den leave me aside like a lampost. yeah! I dun like one! I find it rude. When u're with or go out with someone, meaning u want to spend times with that person right. You can ans the phone and ask politely to call back later or watsoeva. Just dun go on yacking on the phone when u know that there's someone beside u. Very rude one i dun like!

Ok la.
I'm off! will update soon when i'm not lazy/busy.
dada!

2009-04-14T17:25:00.000+08:00

On hiatus =)

2009-04-14T00:01:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling sad and very very depressed right now. I think i miss having my cousin as my classmate. Miss those times. Where there's only me and her. Wherever we go always together. We'll go and have our break together, go hiding together and even to the extend of having to and fro bus ride for the sake of killing time while waiting for the next lesson. Yes. We don't have any other friends. There are a few but they will only come to us when in need. Yes. that bad. Coz during my macpherson times, i had a very weird classmates. And i hate those teachers ok la not all i hate my class advisor only and even my class. They sux big time. Life was hard back then. But atleast i manage to excel my studies and proof to that mamapariahamaporengek that i can do it. I still recall when my CA gave me the gpa award letter to me, oohhhh the feeling was unexplainable! yeah! Coz they always look down on me. That was the worst i ever tasted in life. But of coz there's happy times that i'll never forget. Mostly with my cousin. She was the one who's always there beside me to understand and support me even till now. No doubt i always felt calm and happy when i let out what i've been keeping and all. I really miss those times, whenever we felt lazy to go class and felt like cabot. We'll cabot to Tm or to my house. Best thing is we never pin point whose fault or whose idea who wanted to cabot and all. Coz it's our own accord to make the move and all. I miss everything. I feel like crying right now..If only lah she's my classmate now maybe i won't be too depressed like how i am now..

And that reminds of me and onni. Like how we used to be. Always together from primary to sec school. Always went to school together. Went back home together. And even went to hide at our secret hiding place together. Till one of my old fren used to say kalo ade maya mesti ade ko kalo ade ko mesti ade maya. haha! or he'll asked eh tk klua? oh klua ngan sape? maya eh? hahaha! that was so long ago. I can still remember the times when we've became famous for always being the late comers haha!
Those times when we cabot skola. Padahal da smpai luar skola haha! But still we dun pin point at each other whose at fault or whose idea. Coz once again it's our own accord to make the move.
Those were the times. We don't really care of not having other friends being with us or not. As long as we're happy. That's the important thing. I really feel like crying. If only onni is my classmate. Maybe she would had given me the support to be strong. Coz i admit i'm not strong. Easily depressed with ppl's words.

I miss everything. I'm very sad. I'm gonna cry to my sleep.
This post is nothing. Just letting out of what i'm feeling.
That's all.
k da bye.

2009-04-13T22:44:00.002+08:00

I is feeling disturbed by many things right now.

I is quite depressed with the current situation i'm in now.

I is tired and legs are aching.

I is in need lots of money for now since school's already started and needs to buy new books and top up my bus concession. But now no many liao how? depressed -_-

I is thinking of a way.

I is can loose weight if family problems won't come to an end. depressed -_-

I is starting to dislike school now.

I is trying to make myself happy.

I is never like or adore sarcasm. So stay away from me if you're one of them who loves to give ppl sarcastic words. Ouh talk to my hand -_-

I is feeling much better after telling the cousin my probs.

I is wishing to stay or be away forever from everyone and everything right now. Been trying and wanting to find the true meaning to life.

I wish one day what i wished for will come to reality. To fly off to another country and start a new life, a new begining. Singapore=NO HOPE.

I is feeling like crying.

I is tired and want to sleep.

I is wishing to sleep forever and never wake up for the rest of my life..........

2009-04-02T01:17:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulilah. I'm still grateful for the result. K da enough. I'm having this mixed feelings. Scared, happy, sad, confused and younameit. Dun you think the future is scary? I think soo too. I don't know what's in store for me. Ako ingin menjadi air selalu mengalir.

Watch this!

I love the last part. Funny! I watch it when i'm feeling down. It can really cheer me up. I love this indon sitcom!! The most funniest sitcom ever! haha!

k da.
ako lapar~

2009-04-01T14:11:00.002+08:00

Al-Fatihah.
Semoga rohnye dicucuri rahmat dan di tempatkn bersame org2 yg beriman.
Amin.

Still shocked and deep down inside i'm really sad. This really reminds me that death can happen anytime. We always wanted time to wait for us. Wait if time doesn't wait for us?

"Sesungguhnya orang -orang yang memakan harta anak-anak yatim secara zalim, sebenarnya mereka itu hanyalah menelan api ke dalam perut mereka, dan mereka pula akan masuk ke dalam api neraka yang menyala-nya". -Surah An-Nisa ayat 10

Nauzubillah..Ape nk jadi ngan manusie zaman skrg da tk takot dgn dosa dan hari pembalasan agaknye. Sesungguhnye harta kekayaan dan duit dpt membuta kan mata hati manusie. Kiamat sudah dekat ako rase. Kwn2 marilah kite berdoa semoge kite dijauhkn jadi manusie sedemikian. Amin. N sentiase la bersyukur nikmat yg ade walaupon kite rase sikit, susah ternyate ade org jauh lebih susah dari kite.

If only lah hidup ni bagaikan mimpi n dlm movie sahaje~

2009-03-29T16:04:00.003+08:00

Congrats to Gma on her newborn baby girl!! =)
I'm soo happy and excited!
Finally i've become a makcik haha! slame ni pon da makcik pe haha!
Will be visiting both mummy and baby soon! can't wait! haha

Wah best sey gue pon cm tk sabar nk jadi mummy. If i were to give birth to my baby, i'll bite and eat my baby hahaha! Coz i love babies! I'll shower my children with love and attention. wah cm paham. haha insyaallah one fine day. amin. Before that must wait for my jodoh to come first k? hahaha

2009-03-28T23:52:00.006+08:00

DISAPPOINTED.

Ngak fair banget deh! yg harusnya juara tuh Patton bukan debo!!! arrgghhh!#@$@#@!!!! Wahduh kok yg berqualitas ngak juara sih?? apa kata dunia nanti? Icil 2 ngak seru deh! It's not fair enough coz they use 100% voting thru sms only. It should be 50-50 from sms and judges!!!! See all those with talent and quality are being kicked out fast just bcoz of sms! erghh kesel deh gue!! This is a singing competition not sympathy competition. Masa sih!!

I bet most of you won't understand why i'm so angry bcoz of this thing. haha! I'm a big fan of this reality singing competition show since last yr. I couldn't bear to miss it even for once. haha! It's just that i find it unfair enough. herghhh! It's so funny to see the way their supporters commented and fight thru youtube. haha. If only i know how much is the cost to sms to indonesia, i would already voted willingly. haha! k da enough.

Currently i'm down with fever, flu and sore throat. K best. Kinda lost my apetite for today only i guess haha! I wanna go holiday can?? I've been surveying on the packages for holidays. I wanna go indonesia!!! Best knn!! mcm paham je ako ni. I wanna save up and go for a trip to anywhere i wanna go. yeay!
Onni!!! jom kite save up and go for a holiday!! kite explore the whole world nk? mesti best kn haha!

My new found love hahahaha

No lah i like his voice. Nice song too. =)
Dun you know that i'm an indonesian freak?? hahaha!!
Ok lah off to sleep now!
dada!!

2009-03-26T02:21:00.003+08:00

Onni cheer up! Hugs! =)

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

2009-03-19T00:44:00.003+08:00

I don't feel like blogging anymore. Feels like shutting this blog and go missing forever. hah. Okay, i'm not feeling orite for the moment.

Felt like crying but i just can't. Maybe this is the biggest test from him?? There are times i felt lost. And need someone to hear my sorrowness, but i just don't know who. In times like this, i wish you're here with me. Coz i know you're the only one who's willing to hear what i have to say.

I don't know what else to do. Can't bear to see her crying in pain every nite. It really shattered my heart to pieces. I wish i do have magic to cure her sickness and let all the pain be gone. For now, i'm her only listening ear. Listening to all her sorrowness really makes me confused coz i just don't know what else to do.
I'm really worried now. What if she's gonna be hospitalised? What if her condition gonna be worst??

By the way, i'm really touched for the care and concern from aunties and cousins. I'm really grateful to my auntie for the concern till the extend of finding medicine to lessen her pain. Now all i can do is to take care of her. Trying hard to change her eating habits.

In times like this, i can see who are those who really cared. Who are really true to be beside me. Nothing much to say. I felt better after letting all out to the cousin. We hold back our tears and sadness. To be true, i'm not strong to go through all these. But ako redha. I'm always reminded that this is a sickness that can never be cured. Sampai mati. Like what she said. It breaks my heart to hear that. What to do, it runs in the genes. I'm just praying may she be given more health. Amin.

To all my friends or anyone reading this,
Treasure, cherish and take care of your parents while they are still healthy. Make them happy and never once hurt their feelings. Coz those are the moments that you'll never know when will we have it again. Before everything is too late. They may be impatient, they may be unreasonable or they may be bias towards us. Afterall they are still our parents. I know. I am not a perfect daughter. I know ive sinned much. That's the best i can give for now.

2009-03-14T21:46:00.005+08:00

nice song..i like..

It's been sometime since i last blog yeah. It's either i'm too busy or i'm just lazy to blog. haha. So i'm having my holidays now. I'll be stuck at home for almost 1 month. yeah.

So my holidays are too occupied. Everyday is a busy day for me. I'm only free aft 8 or so. hahaha by that time i'm already too tired and lazy to go anywhere. I can only go out for a few days that's if i'm not busy. I can't really spend times with my friends this holidays. It's so unlike me. But atleast i won't die of boredom like i used too. haha. So friends if you wanna ask me out tell me early early k? haha And oh pmk class chalet is aft next wk. I'm not yet confirmed that i can go. With the situation i'm in right now. haiya. Further more i'm not really looking forward to it. How am i supposed to have fun when i'm worried almost everyday? k nvm. ako sorg je yg paham.

Rite now i'm handling the toughest job ever in my life. Every single day is a challenge for me. Where patience and sincererity plays a big role. May allah gives me the strength and patience to go on with my everyday life. amin.

Ok! Something to cheer me up.

nah ini dia pacar gue!!! guanteng cakep keren abisss deh!!!!!

ahhhhhhh!!! ako mau pacar/calon suami kayak gini bisa knn??? hahahahahaha!!! Ok im crazy over this guy hahahahha!! Makes me wanna fly to indon and meet him!! hahaha

ok thats all!
daaa!!

ps: i believe i can fly too..

2009-03-08T19:46:00.002+08:00

Obiet..knape kamu harus pergik sihhhhhh...

First of all, let me scream AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH@!$%$#^$%&^%$*##!!!!
K da!! There's so much for me to say. So much to let it all out. The only thing that i really want all to know is that i'm really really TIREDDDDD. yeah. i'm exhausted. Tired of everything. I don't have enough rest. And i guess i can never have enough rest for the rest of my life. k ah bedek.

I'm too depressed, pressured, helpless, hopeless and everything. I'm at the verge of giving up everything. yeah everything in my life. I know i'm such a loser -_-

Kalo tidak kerane iman, ugame, balasan di akhirat dan laen2 sewaktu dgn nye kn...Da lame ako terjun diri. K that's bad coz i even think of committing suicide khakakaka!! That's how depressed i am.

The sad news has been passed ard. And ako jugak yg org entrust. Beginilah nasib anak perempuan saorang sahaje. When the cousins and all gave me advices this and that, swear i can feel the pressure. I even give it a thought that maybe i won't even have time for my own. So i can say gdbye to me going out as and when i like. Say gdbye to my free time. Say gdbye to everything. Maybe i won't even have time to spend with my friends. I even thought of quitting school. nyahahaha!

I can get a big headache when i think abt my future. Some advice me to proceed on studying aft i finish my ite. Be a woman with a career. Don't get married too soon/young. Nanti menyesal. khakakaka!! I've been thinking abt wateva they say. How am supposed to proceed on with my studies and have a career? Go on with something that i'm not interested in? I don't wanna force and drag myself once again. I've been thinking of getting married at young age. Coz for the fact that what i want as a career is to be a cook! yeah! So when i get married i want to be a housewife and be a cook for my family. nyahahaha!! alah wateva laa..Too soon to think abt now.

So exam is tomorrow. And i'm not prepared. Coz i don't have enough time to revise. K the thing is we should revise 2 months before exam. So serve me right and it seems that i never learn my lesson. So i'll give my best shot for tomorrow. Thx onni and the cousin for giving me endless support. Trust me you guys words really made me think positive. Although i really wanna give up. Thx the cousin for the great help when i'm really in need the most.

Yeah tats all.
peace yo!

2009-03-02T11:20:00.003+08:00

It's already march. And soon it's gonna be april. What? Seseorg tu da nk menjejak zaman emas seperti ako. Khakakakka!!! Okay, for now i'm emotionally disturbed. I've got so much to think. So much to do.

Alhamdulilah phase tests over. yeah. And next week is exam fever!! Can't wait for exam to finish. And i can't really wait to graduate. hah. I'm doom. Serve me right for not buying a book. I've insufficient notes to revise. And for wld lagi mati. I can just go and jump down from 15th floor. Ish nk mati kerane wld buat ape eh mati pn tk bwk ilmu2 duniawi. haha! Begok amat sih. Can anyone anybody somebody help me??? Who yg ikhlas dan berhati mulia le share notes wld sama saya??? Coz i don't have any notes for wld. Mati. -_- Your help is much appreciated. Thx. hah i doubt there's anyone to help me. I can just go and hide myself dalam almari.

Been busy doing housework. Mostly doing the mother's job. Now then i know how is it like being a mother. The mother been sick. Almost a week. Can't move around much. Only he knows how shattered and worried i am. This week gotta cook for the family. Lucky i don't need to school this whole week. I can be ard when the mother needs me. I felt guilty last wk for not able to be there for her since i'm at school.

I wish i had a sister. To lend me a helping hand. Haiya i wish the cousin stays nearer. I think she's the best sister ever who understand me inside out. There are times i just felt like giving up. But i did not.

It's a long road when you face the world alone.
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.

That's how i'm feeling right now.
That's all for now.

2009-02-23T21:09:00.003+08:00

A great listening ear is someone who listens, listens and just listens. Listens without getting bored over and over again. Listens and never complain.

Sincerity comes from pure hearts. Not everyone has that. Neither do i. We have to work it out. We should be sincere in our deeds. Sincerity is the wing of the bird of the acts of obedience. Without a wing, how can we fly to the abode of prosperity?

Can i change everything? ~~Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua.~~ Sebanyak-banyak kwn yang kite ade, akhirnye jatuh ke tangan family jua. I've got to agree with this. I've seen it. It's happening. heh sesukehati je ako tukar eh. haha This means that life is like a wheel. It will never stop spinning. No matter how many friends we have now, in time to come or in times we're badly in need, family are the ones who's there when we seek for help. True enough?

So moral of the story is never dump your family aside. Make family as our no 1 priority in our lives.

Been falling sick for the past few days. And been feeling uneasy the whole day due to too much thinking. Maybe this is a test from him. Sumpah in my heart i was crying the whole day. Only he knows. May my parents be granted health for today tomorrow and forever amin.

Can i change to a new profession? Can i be a doctor? I wanna cure ppl and ease the pain they are suffering can?

Nope. that's not my bf or my cousin or my neighbour. That's hulk. Can i be like him? aaaaaargghhhh@$#@%%$#^%$&^$~~!!!!
yeah. understand? no? okay then.
I gotta start mugging now. Won't be updating anytime soon. Will update when i feel like it yeah.

k bye!

ps: Honest hearts produce honest actions.

2009-02-17T12:49:00.002+08:00

Aaahhhhhh nice.. I can go crazy with both songs. Sedap nye!
Sheila On 7 is still and forever the best!

I don't wanna go school can?? Lazyyy laaaaah.

2009-02-16T21:48:00.005+08:00

I guess every monday is a heart wrenching day for me. Today i'm not feeling okay. Shall just keep everything to myself. Felt like as if i left my mind somewhere. Was moody all day long and futher more the weather is soooo hot. Baru bahang je blom lagi api neraka eh. I've just discovered that i've yet to find someone who can make me happy when i'm feeling down. Not yet or maybe not. Hmmmm.. This wed Wad phase test. Mati tentu mati. haiya

Anw, this post is specially dedicated to my one and only Onni.

There goes our dreams to graduate together. Our dreams to enter poly life together. Okay i can dream on abt entering ~~poly~~. Polyclinic pn tk sampai2 agi ni kan lagi poly. haha. Onni, may you succeed in whatever you do for today, tomorrow and the future. You have my full support in whatever you do and wherever you go! Aja aja fighting! Now we can cancel those dreams and start building a new dream. To get married together, ard the same time like what we've been talking abt since our younger days. heheh!! But must wait for my anak raja first can? khakakaka!!
And this song is just for you.

Terus kan lah perjuangan dalam kehidupan ini.
Onni, sarang hae yo!

hahahahahaha!! =)

Okay i guess that's part of the reason why i'm moody. No doubt, i'm sad abt it. hurhur.
Gdnite all!

2009-02-11T15:52:00.002+08:00

I'm bored. Newaez found this.

My fav part 'Cangkul pon cangkul laaaahhhh'. Hahahahahaha!! khakakakakaka!! kekek ahhh haha

And this one my fav part is 'tebiat nak mampoz agaknye' and 'itu tak kene haha ni yg kene' HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! funny sey!! haha

Finally there's something to cheer me up. heh

ok dah bye!

2009-02-10T22:46:00.004+08:00

Exam is just ard the corner and i've yet to revise. Reason bcoz i don't know what to revise. hiaakk dusshh!!! Anyone got mr james ppt slides can send it to me through email pleasseee??? Gamsahamnida =)

Oh pastamania dah halal!!! Seronok nye!! Slalu tgk org mkn tk halal pn dorg rembat. But now dah halal yeay! Excited for no reason. haha Fish n co bile nk halal plak? haha

I have this very bad habit of eating before i go to sleep. A very bad bad habit indeed. How to shed off some fats like this? Oh well. True fact is i don't really bother abt being fat and what ppl say/tease abt me. I love the way i am now. Or is it i'm already too immune to it? Hmmm. I've tasted the worst in life before. I do admit that sometimes what ppl say abt me do affect and make my self-esteem running low. The result is i'll have no confidence. I noticed that fat or obese ppl are always a big issues among humans. I wonder why. Being someone fat, we can see who are the ppl ard us that are sincere in accepting for who we are and not someone else. Appreciating is the most important thing. I've met ppl who does not accept me for who i am but just take me as an option and stepping stone. How sad. One thing for sure i'll take every sarcasm as a challenge and i'm never gonna stoop so low. It's mind over matter.

One thing for real is, ppl like me and sewaktu dgn nye tak pernah mintak dilahirkan begini. 2 years ago i still remembered what my ustazah said 'die boleh jadi besar tapi mungkin hati die besar, jadi bersyukurlah dpt anak yg mcm gini'. Then my eyes were flooding with tears. Trying hard to hold back my tears. To make myself think postitvely, i always say in my heart biar org pandang kite tk sempurna, tapi di mate allah kite sempurne. Moral of the story is jage la hati jgn jage bentuk badan paras rupe. Sebab allah pandang hamba2 nye dari hati bukan rupe. and jgn lupe jage la tulang yer sebab mati nanti tinggal tulang. so minum la susu bnyk2 eh haha. Tu sume tk kemane. Ape la sangat. I believe that one day i'll meet that person who can accept me for who i am.

Like there's a saying goes like this;

kalo pandang rupe bile da tk lawa, kite tinggalkn
kalo pandang nafsu bile da puas kite carik yg laen
kalo pandang harta bile da susah kite tinggalkn
tapi...kalo ikhlas pandang hati sampai ke mati.

true enough?? heh heh heh. Ooppzz pardon me for the emosi terganggu post. Perhaps only those ppl who are like me can understand how i felt all these while. Ok to go along with my sad sad post, do listen to this song. Very sedih seeyyy.

This song is damn nice..Sedih nye lagu. I like the part '...kamu,kamu,kamu...' sedap seeeyyy.

Ok dah bye!

ps: Why do i still feel ~~hurt~~??

2009-02-08T22:30:00.008+08:00

I think i miss my secondary school days. Was browsing thru some folder then i found some pixs. Memories that will never be forgotten. Zaman2 remaja. Zaman2 nakal. Zaman2 rambot pendek. hahah! Zaman dimana ako tidak lah terlalu gemok. Dulu fit skrg dah fat hahaha!!

Let me reminisce the old memories yeah?

zaman dok bwh blok ~~blaja~~ haha
those were the days

gonna miss those times!
aft our n level
one week of sec 5 heheh
zaman neoprint
termenung di tepi pantai
zaman dye rambot hahahaha!!
zaman kekentalan rambot helmet hahahah(look at fini)!!

i waited for so long for my hair to grow haha!

Sings 'saat saat remaja yang terindah tak bisa terulannnggggg...'

Ezhar!

And i miss this boy! Dunnoe where he's gone to. Miss those times when we shared our problems. Supply chocolates for him in class. Ako bbual merepek die tak layan. haha! I could still recall him saying that maybe one day we might work at the same place or what. haha

How much time has past. The times when we're in the teens. Wanting to try out new things. If only there's time machine. heh. Soon everyone planning to get hitch. hurhur. Then left me alone. Still finding though. The search has just begun. It's not over. heheh. Hope to find the right person one very fine day. Insyaallah.

And i like this song!! very nice..hmmm..can relate it to my life heheh

Ok thats all ppl!
Gudnite!

2009-02-07T01:37:00.015+08:00

I'm actually deprived of sleep. And i think my memory is getting rusty. I can't seem to think. Oh well. For now i'll update about my birthday. The most memoriable and touching 21st birthday ever in my entire life. Haha as if ppl wanna read what happened on my birthday. -_-

First of all, I wanna thank/syukur Allah for giving me the health, happiness and panjangkan umur hamba sampai lah yg ke 21 tahun. Alhamdulilahi rabbil 'Aalamin. There's nothing more that i could ever ask for the happiness i had now. But tak semestinye bahagie di dunie menjaminkan kebahagiaan di akhirat. Ape2 di dunia hanyelah sementara sahaje. Ako berdoa semoga di kurniakan kebahagiaan di dunia dan juga akhirat nanti Insyaallah amin. Begitu jugerk kepade sekian hamba2 mu yg sedang bace blog niiii. heh heh.

My greatest gratitude mostly/especially to my abah for the unexpected gift. I'm really touched. Never once in my life my parents had given me any gifts for my bday. I'm really grateful to my parents for bringing me up till i have ~~big~~ butt. Nyahahaha!! But i'm really thankful k. I don't care what ppl gonna say bout my butt. -_- Next, for the good food they had fed me all these while. Pokoknye for everything deh. =)

abah n my fav aunt who loves to pamper me nyahaha!

Next, to the cousin and all my friends, maya&shah, fini and the classmates for the suprises. I really appreciate it. Should i list down the names? nyahaha. k lah. A big thank you to Azhar syam fid bear bapak brother har syak fisa wawa awul. Thanks for the wish! And not forgetting Gma! Thank you so much for remembering my bday. I'm really touched. I'll be waiting for ya baby gurl! Insyaallah =)

So on the 4th of Feb, I was kidnapped by Maya&Shah. They brought me to the beach. It was an advanced bday celebration. I'm touched. haiya da brape bnyk kali ako type i'm touched ehk?? hahaha!!

the first bday cake!

Thank you!!

Next day we went simpang aft school, the classmates gave me a suprise! So much of their white lies. Heh heh. Mane dorg balek lah, tukar baju dulu lah. haha. I'm so touched(AGAIN) that they shared money to buy a cake for me. Aaawww. I really appreciate it. Felt like crying but i just can't shed any tears. haha

2nd cake.

thankz for that 'thought' i really appreciate it heheh!

Ish kire duit je bear..

Picture not full force =/

And so just now, or yesterday. Wake up early to meet syak fisa and az to civic library. Accompany them to finish up their project. Abeh kitorg berangan nk step mane nye budak poly tah. Org skola kat republic poly ke kite kat civic poly haha!

Aft they had done their project, we went to banquet. Hungry already liao. Then i smell something fishy. haha. Syak told me and fisa to wait for her at banquet first coz she wanna meet her friend. haha bnyk die nye kwn. I was damn touched(AGGGAAIINN) that she bought for me a cake and friendship band. The sweetest thing was she bought one for herself too. To mark our friendship. Aaawww.

the 3rd cake.
my close buddy! =)
lup her many2 liao

Thanks fisa for the gift! muackz!! lup her too!

semgt skali dapt je tros pakai! haha

And so overall is, my family and friends are the most wonderful gift in my life. I might had lost someone nevertheless, i'm really grateful of what i have in my life now. Thank you very strong everyone!! =)

This is the most longest post i guess nyahaha!
Gotta sleep now.

2009-02-05T23:32:00.003+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday to ME!!!
Hahahahaha!!!
Oh well age are just numbers. Me, you, they, them, are all the same hahahaha!!

My sincere hearfelt thanks to all for the wishes and suprises!!!
I really appreciate it from the bottom of my ~~broken~~ heart. hahaha
I will do a proper update tomorrow k??
Coz me is really tired.
So do stay tune! haha

2009-02-02T18:23:00.005+08:00

Today basically did nothing but sports. And i sweat really alot. Ceyyy make me wake up early in the morning just for the sake of attendance. Then aftnoon class cancel somemore. This post is specially dedicated to Awul ajim and Sarip.

No more of them for tomorrow and the following days in our ite life. Sure gonna miss them. Now there's no one to bully me already liao. Sedih nye. Okay i nearly cried when i got to know they are leaving. Hurhur. Congrats to the both of you! Thanks for the memories, i really treasure and cherish it. Nanti da ade kwn baru jgn lupekn kitorg k?! haha. Haiya now the atmosphere in class or wherever we go gonna be so different. And this song is specially for the both of you.

Sedih kn lagu ni??? Tak sedih ke korg??? haha

Hope this friendship will last till when when. hahahaha! In malay Hope this friendship will last sampai bila bila. haha!! Insyaallah amin.
Last but not least keep in touch yaw!!

2009-01-31T23:26:00.005+08:00

I just got to know that i've got a secret admirer. Scary or whaaattt! hahaha! And now i got this one feeling that i can't describe. And that person dah berangan call my mother future mother-in-law. Ok i'm scared. haha. And my mother can still laugh at it. But my lil bro strongly detest about it coz he thought i'm with someone else. lalalala. The thing is, i can't run away coz that person stays infront of my house. Scary kn jgn jadi stalker sudah hahahaha! Ok for further story you can ask me personally k. hahaha

I've just watch this film. Such a sad story. Sedih banget gitu loh. Both of them love to fight then they fell in love. Then that guy died in an accident. Gue hampir nangis gitu. Imagine the person that you're in love with left you without saying goodbye. Sedih kn. Go watch it at youtube k.

Nitez everyone!!

ps: Oh Allah, izinkan aku mencintai seseorang yang aku cintai....

2009-01-29T22:22:00.004+08:00

Finally had pizza with fini and wawa. lalalala

Now i feel like vomitting looking at the picture above. nyahahaha!! I'm having a very bad migraine and it's like my whole body feels numb. I wanna buy that Ip man vcd. Haiyo! haha I wanna buy so many things but money not enough liao. I've been wanting to buy baju kurung, and they say i'm weird. Beh takot ako nk beli baju kurung. Ngat ako da buang tebiat ehk? hahaha!!!

Ok i gotta really save now. Gotta settle some bills and other important stuff then i can get myself the things that are needed. haha

Sudah terlambat sudah
Ini semua harus berakhir
Mungkin inilah jalan yang terbaik
Dan ~~kita~~ aku mesti relakan kenyataan ini.......

Ok ppl bubye!

2009-01-27T14:58:00.004+08:00

This is something interesting that i've found. May it create an awareness and wake up call for all of us. Insyaallah amin.

Lahaulawallah..I think this is a wake up call for me..I've just watch a video about a person having sakaratul maut. Seram. My heart beats faster. Astagfirullah..

2009-01-27T02:03:00.003+08:00

This was what they caught in indonesia. Masyaallah. This is truly amazing. Subhanallah. Too bad i don't get the chance to see it. So much of me and the cousin getting excited to witness it. nyahaha. Stakat tgk kat tv jek. haha. Ok i'm jakun. Al-maklum lah cite2 kan nk jadi astraunaut. hahaha!

Gotta sleep now tired. Went out almost everyday. haha
Nanite!

2009-01-26T11:11:00.002+08:00

January is coming to an end. And soon it'll be february. Am counting the days for a big change in my life. ceeyyy cm paham. Still thinking though. Nope. I'm not counting the days for my birthday. I don't wanna bother about it. Coz i dunno why i'm expecting the worst. Have you ever cried on your birthday? I ever did. And i think it will happen again. Nyahaha. So what's the big change in my life? I'm getting engaged with anak raja! yeay!!! hahahaha!! No lah, but one fine day k. haha

So where was i? Ok so i spent some time reflecting on what i did and all. I'm too laid back. Lost in confusion. It's time to pick up the broken pieces of me and start mending my way to the right path. All these while i got lost along the way. I'm no longer young but not too old. Nyahaha! Gotta think more. Maybe i'm too playful and laugh too much. Excessive laughters may cause brain distortion. Nyahaha!

I was looking through some old pictures, when suddenly i felt the pinch of sadness. I miss my friends. But now, it seems that everyone is going on their separate ways. They got their own lives. I should find mine too. nyahaha. Somehow, somewhat, i miss having girls outing. I shall make myself busy so i won't be too indulge in sadness. The thing is life must go on. I think someday, i gotta agree with ppl saying that bestfriend won't last. And i'm starting to believe in that. Infact it did happened in my life. I did lost a bestfriend. Oh well. So now to all my bestfriends, you guys are no longer my bestfriends but my close friends. Coz bestfriend won't last. nYahaha. So friends you can regard me as your sister, mother, girlfriend, closefriend, neighbour, auntie, grandmama or watsoeva but not bestfriend k. Coz bestfriend won't last. Nyahaha

Ok, so now i don't wanna blog too much detail about what happened and all. Coz i've told ya before blogging is dangerous. Cyber world is dangerous. Don't expose too much detail about yourself or the people around you coz it may bring you harm. You'll never know sey. From now onwards, i'll start blogging about unnecessary and unimportant stuff. The rest i'll just keep it to myself. And the other thing is i'm just plain lazy to blog. hah -_-

The other dangerous thing about blogging is, when you can't control your emotions/anger. You'll tend to vent it by blogging. Where the whole world reads it. Well that's to my point of view. Sometimes, when we're not happy with that person or what we tend to discriminate or bitch abt that person indirectly. In other words, blog in an insinuating manner. Which i find it too childish. Nyahaha. Well, i've seen it. I've seen people fighting over at the blog. Mind you, they are not some kids okay. hah. See, that's how dangerous cyber world can be.

I've always been reminded to stay neutral and keep my comments to myself. Nyahaha i'll try my very best.

Thats all ppl!
Peace!

2009-01-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

I just got to know that today 26 jan 2009, gerhana matahari will happen. What's gerhana matahari in english? Solar eclipse eh? haha. Seramnye. It will most probably happen ard 4.30 in the aftnoon i guess where the moon will cover the sun. And i heard the shape will be like a ring. As quote from an ustadz the other day, lets us all smbyg hajat bnyk2 and ramai2 semoga bulan cpt berlalu and tak stay kat situ je. They say kiamat might happen. Seramnye dosa ako bnyk skaliiiii. Wa'allahualam.

2009-01-17T23:13:00.003+08:00

I'm bored. Cough getting worst. I gotta start saving from now. Lalalala.

Oh ya, truth always hurt don't you think so?

I should learn to say whatever and stop hoping. Stop hoping but not loose faith. Gotta believe in myself.

I wish time to stop.

I thought my hamster died. She didn't moved when i tried to wake her up. Actually, she was sleeping soundly. She's been sleeping for so long. Cheyy. Made me kanchiong only. haiya

I wanna try bake blueberry cheesecake. But i've got no confidence. And the ingredients are so expensive. Maybe tomorrow i can go and check it out on the things.

And lastly, don't you think blogging is dangerous? -_-

Ok that's all.
I'm bored.

2009-01-16T11:23:00.005+08:00

And so i've tried playing hotel 626. Hahahaha. Scary siot. The game is opened from 6pm-6am but ive changed the time on my comp. So i get to play during daylight but not at night. HAHAHA!

Siang hari pon penakot jgk. lol! I think it will be more thrilling if i were to play at night with lights off and all alone in my room. Hahahaha but too bad i'm not that brave enough. -_-

When it comes to this part it freaked me out big time. Anjat girl2! terkejot sampai mengigil jap satu badan hahaha!

This is what happened when i don't sing for her lullaby hahaha!

I was stuck in this madman room coz i can't figure out the correct code.

So give it a try if you dare. Hahaha!

2009-01-15T22:44:00.006+08:00

My throat hurts alot. I can't stop coughing. There's no more cough syrup left. haiya. And ive been eating ice cream almost everyday. Me and ice cream? I used not to like ice cream. Coz i find it boring and waste of time. Mkn je hilang hahaha!

I wanted to blog about lots of things but i guess my maglas syndrome is back. So my every post will be short and sweet. And from today onwards i don't have to worry about exceeding my smses. Maybe i can send 1 alphabet for 1 sms hahaha!!! For now, i'm struggling to type my smses. haiya. I think i will need to take much much longer time than usual to reply msges. kenape la bengap sgt ehk. haha. I can't seem to transfer photos from my phone. I don't know where are my new photos. haiya -_-

Today i'm feeling kinda lost, helpless, hopeless and a bit of dissappointed. Nyahahahaha!! Ok, it's too personal i guess. haha. So after school we chilled at cafe 1 and talk nonsense. I guess laughing is part of our daily routine. Tkpe ketawe lah selagi mampu. As long as we're happy. Makin berburger lah pipi ako. If only laughing can make us loose weight. Nyahahaha da le jadi astraunaut kn. hahaha!! And today i was bullied by awie. Hmppphhhh!!! Not only today but almost everyday Hahahahaha!!! Ako da lame tk gigit org tau! rawr!

"tempted to touch! tempted to touch!" hahahaha!! Someone is so tempted to touch my butt!! hahaha!! I can't stop laughing when i listen to this song!! haha.

ok done. i'm sleepy.
gdnite!

2009-01-12T22:40:00.004+08:00

Today is a windy day. It's like you can go picnic anywhere. Kat tepi bustop, tepi tamp mall, tepi mane2 pon bleh hahaha! Takya susah2 nk pi beach kn hahaha! I'm freezing in my room. As if there's snow. Oppz ape snow? hahaha!

And so i did some photo editting. This is all fini's fault!! hahaha!!!

this is mokmok scary?no? hahaha

and this is me n fini!! hahaha!! cute kn??

Haha!! fini ko suke tk gamba tu?? khakakaka!! ako suke k! hahaha!! Editting of photos reminds me of someone. Hahahaha beware you red indian tarzan hahaha!

Can someone please defined me the meaning of hatred?? From what i see, things are just getting complicated. Is it true if one day she were to leave us, all of you will severe ties with each other? I don't know the answer. But i can see everyone is falling apart. What is happening? Maybe i've yet to understand all these. But why is it so hard to forgive and maybe not forget? It doesn't kill to forgive. Why do people still hold grudges? Ok im out of words. I just hope for the best.

On the other note, my very last wish that i really hope for is a happy family. I mean family of my own. If one day my wish were to come true, i'll be shedding tears of joy and gratefulness. Insyaallah. Amin.

Peace no war k? -_-

2009-01-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

Can someone help me? Really really help me?? My insomnia is getting worst. Every night i will have trouble sleeping. I just can't switch off my mind. Well, i've questioned myself. I guess something is really bothering me. But i don't know what is that something. lalala. They say if those who suffered from insomnia will die earlier. Ahhh tidak me don't want to die now. Me want to meet my anak raja first can? Then can die lor. hahahaha!!

Today i was damn exhausted. Coz of excessive laughters. Gimana sih mau jadi anak yg pintar kalo hari2 begini sih?? hahahaha! I think im way too drifted from my studies. Haiya how? Gotta buck up but i don't know from where to start.

And my appetite is playing a trick on me. Wasn't feeling hungry these past few days. But today i was damn hungry. I thought i've just eaten but i don't feel it hahahahaha!! Maybe it's due to my insomnia then i'm emotinally depressed then maybe that's the cause why my appetite is so unpredictable kot? Or is it due to me bottling up my feelings within my self?

Having a bad headache now. Been thinking since yesterday. Should i pop one of those pill before i go to sleep? Da mcm drug plak hahaha! Should i or should i not? Maybe that's the only way i can sleep soundly. I think i have to re-adjust my sleeping pattern. Agaknye all these while ako da terikot waktu tokyo ah. Thats why ah have difficulties in sleeping. hahaha!

Thats all for now.
Sayonara! =)

2009-01-05T00:08:00.004+08:00

Just one word to describe you,

Coward.

Bloody fool~nb. Hergggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

K i better stop it. What's the use of me getting all emotional. Just a waste of my precious time. 2009, it's time to move on with a new life. Yeah. May you'll be bless with whatever you have done all these while. amin. What goes around comes around, karma behbay! May you rot with that seahorse damnnn loser!!

nmpk tu seahorse?

K da tu je! -_-

2009-01-03T00:50:00.007+08:00

my pet!! see i got lots of trophies hahahaha!!

That's my pet on the left and that's fini's pet on the right hahahaha!! Cute kan smpai tetdo! Eedy went to visit bugsie haha! Ok i'm stuck on pet society. Best ah. hahaha! How to get lots of $$$ eh?? I want to buy things for the house ley. haha

I'm recovering slowly. Yesterday was down with another sickness. When i woke up i saw red patches around my hands and legs and even body! And i was having headache and felt like vomiting. I think i'm allergic to one of those pills. Now i'm confused which pill should i stop taking? haiya

I was kindda breathless the whole day. Agaknye da nk mati eh? hahaha! And my phobia is back! I have this weird phobia of taking double decker bus. Sumpah felt like crying while i was on the bus. hahahaha! Coz the bus was moving really fast and i'm so afraid that the bus might topple sideways. hahahaha! I was thinking too much. I've been suffering from this weird phobia eversince i was a little girl. The last time i had this fear when i was in my nitec days. That was 2 years ago? I still remembered how i felt when the bus was moving really fast. My heart beats faster than ever. Padahal da lambt nk pi skola ade hati nk turun halfway hahaha! Now tell me how am i suppose to get rid of my weird phobia? hahaha.

Today, I was extremely happy to meet the cousins. Can't wait for april to come and more family gatherings and sleepover session. Yippe! I felt kindda sad when we bid our goodbyes. I dunnoe why, but i felt like crying. -_-

Two more days to school! Excited? No? hah
Till den! =)

ps: ako nk jadi cm batu ahhhhh.

2008-12-31T22:25:00.007+08:00

My fat and lazy hamster

Dede with her new friend! hahaha

Today went to the clinic. Was feeling breathless. Felt like breaking down in tears while on the way to clinic. Not only becoz of the pain but it's bcoz of some other matter that really matters to me. The doc check my heartbeat and temperature. To my suprise, i'm having fever. And so i'm down with fever, cold, congested lungs and headache. All in one. Complicated. I thought i might have high blood pressure like what my father always predicted but no my blood pressure is good. hahaha. I'm feeling rather weak and still high on drugs. hahaha. I was given 4 kinds of pills and ephedrine for the nose. haiya. I felt reluctant to eat all those pills. And there goes my $$$ hahaha.

And i've got my love letter from singtel. Serve me right for not paying last month's bill. With the total amount i can buy lots of things. hahaha. And so, no more spending for me. Enough. Gotta save man. And i've got myself hooked to facebook. haha. It's much more better than friendster. So do add me on facebook yaw!

2008 is coming to an end. 2008 is not really a good start for me. But along the way i learnt lots of things. That's when i believe miracles do happened if i don't stop hoping. Becoming more wiser. Back to school unexpectedly. Met new friends. Dealing with loneliness. Bond between family getting better. Alhamdulilah. Finally i see bright sun shining. I no longer wait for the night to fall. And i no longer cry because of you. Yes you. Yeah that's my 2008.

Hoping my 2009 will be better. Maybe a new chapter begins along the way? Who knows. I've got no new year resolutions. I just wanna be who i am. heh.

A big thank you to Fini and the cousin for the care and concern when nobody else showed their care for me. erm..not even my parents. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I wish i had someone special that i can always look up to. Maybe. One fine day.

Gotta rest and take those pills now. Wanna sleep early.
Can i sleep forever and never wake up?? -_-
Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009! =)

ps: maybe if one fine day my time has come, then you will believe that i 'm really in great pain.

2008-12-31T03:27:00.007+08:00

I should be sleeping now but i just can't. I'm in great pain. Mentally and physically. I'm out of breath now. Asthma is back. And there's nothing i can do about it. Been suffering sleeping disorder. I think i should start sleeping early from tomorrow onwards if not i'm gonna have trouble waking up early for school. heh.

Just now or yesterday, had an outing with pmk mates. Too bad syam couldn't join us due to work last min. Haiya wish he was there. haha. Went to chill at vivo then off to plaza sing to watch movie. Yes heard me, movie. I've just watch a movie! Hahahaha!! That is so not me. Ok lor so this year i watch only two movies at the cinema. Hahaha. I know pathetic. I prefer watching online movies. heh. So, we went to watch BedTime Stories. Awesome and funny movie. Hahahaha watching the guinea pig reminds me of my hamster. hahahaha. Oh ya i saw master yoda. Master yoda is so cute! Kn awul? hahaha! In the middle of waiting for the movie to start, my abah had to make me panic by giving me a call. The thing is my parents will never call me when i'm outside. I thought there's some emergency that i needed to attend to. Since i've been thinking about my grandma lately. Not only me panic but Fini too!! haha! Sekali apedah. Tepung beras laaaah. hahaha! And so we went to carefour to search for tepung beras. And i find the guys soooo cute helping to search for tepung beras. hahahaha!! Thanks alot you guys!

I had fun with great friends around me. Somehow i realise it's been sometime since i last had this happy feeling. Maybe it's time for me to find my own circle of friends? What say you?? Hmmmm..

Deep down inside, i'm truly hurt. I dunnoe should i be mad or not. No words can describe what i'm feeling right now. Sometimes, i find this saying 'It doesn't pay being nice' true. True enough. Maybe i'm too dumb and naive? Letting ppl take advantage and walk all over me. Sometimes i care too much for ppl's feelings and they tend to forget that i have a heart and feelings too. Yeah that's life. If there's a wish that can be granted, i don't wanna stay here no more. Leaving is the best way. But for now, silence is the best thing to do. Let them say what they wanna say. I just dun care. Ok enough of all these. Pictures time!

me n Fid.

mr hot butt!! hahaha!!

see muke awul ade orb. kembang kn hidong eh?hahaha

muscular son and awul ajim!!

me and wawa.

Ok la off to sleep! Goodbye!

ps: Just stop assuming and making false accusations coz it hurts alot. What past is past.

2008-12-28T20:29:00.003+08:00

1 more week to go before school starts. School=wake up early! Alalalalalahh. I don't feel like going to school coz i'm lazy hahaha! Wondering if i can still fit in my pants. Khakakaka!! Almaklom jek lah.

Just now while my dad was watching tv1 malaysian channel, i asked him a stupid question. haha!

me: eh ni lagi buat ape? sembahyang hari raye eh?
dad: kn maal hijrah tahun baru islam.
me: oh eh? haha ingatkn sembahyang raye!

-_- hahahaha!! mentang2 lah org sembahyang berjemaah je sembahyang raye pe! n dgr2 smbyg raya after mahgrib pe! haha begok amat sih jadi org!

I feel like baking cupcakes. It's been sometime since i last did baking. Cupcakes anyone? Anyone's birthday coming? haha. The cousin and auntie are so funny! Making me feel excited and can't wait to get married asap hahahaha!! Nak sponsor kn bile ako kahwin!! Padahal blom lagi jmpe bakal nye haha! Berangan jek! Must wait long long worhh for my anak raja lor. hahaha!

I feel like migrating to indonesia. Not europe k. Tak jadi uhh. haha! I also dunnoe why. Maybe i can meet my long lost grandfather? or can meet my favourite anak2 band di indonesia. wah cm best eh. I don't feel like staying in spore anymore. haha cm paham! I wanna go somewhere far. I wanna leave everyone behind. Ako nk bwk diri. Nak merajuk. I think i have to find a mat indon husband? hahaha!

This tuesday plan to go picnic with the pmks at pasir ris park. But i doubt all can go. Suspection, only the usuals will be there. heh. If end up having a few of us only, we can resort to plan B! yeah! Plan B is to go somewhere in the middle like vivo to chill2 ke camwhore ke amcm? Atleast it's fair for all of us coz it's in the middle kn awul. hahaha! And kalo picnic tk jadi awul, ko tkya bwk carpet eh. hahahaha!!! Currently waiting for the rest to online so can confirm with them about the outing. Hope it will be a fun outing!

Salam muharam to all muslims out there!
Bye! =)

2008-12-22T23:31:00.007+08:00

Today i went out. To shop AGAIN. I bought a top AGAIN. And planning to shop this week with the cousin AGAIN. Lalalalalalala. Ive been shopping like as if money fall from the sky. Ok, it's not like every time i get to do this. Since ive been saving from a few months back. So why not i spend my saving on the things i need. And it's december baybeh. Sales everywhere. NYAHAHAHA. Soon, i'll be broke. haha So much of me wanting to save money for rainy days. Lalalalala.

And today, saw his close friend. Oh and even his uncle, his cousin. Wahduh. Gue sakit hati banget sih. I wonder why i never got the chance to bump into him. If that were to happen, i guess i'll be speechless. Ok enough of that.

Ive been contemplating on whether to put up my archive. I thought what past is past. haha. Dunnoe leh. Still thinking. How eh? When i read back what i post since 2005, that is soo not me. Ok, we change as time goes by. People gets wiser when we grow older. So do i. I wanna change for the better. Insyaallah.

And so while i was reading one of my entry, i saw something that makes me LOL. hahahaha. I posted something that goes like this, "im getting frustrated blablabla.... And that reminds me of someone. I'm getting frustrated man, Where's the loot? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, i miss my pmk mates. Bile mau kluas dong??

Lately, ive been thinking alot about death. Something that we can never escape from. It will happen to us when the time has come. But the thing is are we really ready for that? Every time when i can't sleep, i'll be thinking about those who had left. I wonder what happen. I'm scared. Coz my sin is much bigger than the ocean. I know ive sinned too much. I'm not perfect. Till now, i can't even complete my 5 prayers. I'm trying my best to complete it and what i need now is his guidance. Life is short. Life is not about waiting. It's about how you wanna spend your time with your life. My mom once told me that ive escaped from death once when i was a little girl. I was having my highest fever and was struggling and she said that as though i'm gonna die. But i didn't. Coz i'm given the chance to see wonderful things around me. Alhamdulilah. I'm grateful for everything. Family, great friends, wealth, health and happiness. And i'm even grateful for my butt. Although it's hahahaha. Shall not comment about it. -_-

I wonder what happens if i'm gone. Do my friends still remembers me? Hmmmm. Is it true that high fever can cause brain damage? If it's true then i guess there's a permanent damage in my brain. HAHAHAHA. Coz my friends call me GILERRRRR. Eh, i'm not k. I'm not gile. It's just the way i am. Yeah that's me. Sometimes, i get upset when they say i'm gile hahahaha. Coz it got me thinking whether i'm really crazy? I know i'm not.

So friends, lets all do something to get ourselves prepared. What if there's no tomorrow? Sayer nak masok syurga jugak sey. hahaha. Hope, all of us will meet in syurga one day k. Insyaallah. Amin.
K la byebye!

2008-12-19T15:04:00.003+08:00

What is exactly wrong with me? Something is not right. But i don't know what it is. Ive been thinking alot. But i don't know what ive been thinking. hahaha! And so, i think im down with depression again. I'm having my sleepless night. My insomnia is back. Arrgghhhh i hate it! Everyday, I can only sleep nearly to 3am.haiya. I hate this feeling man. Just like how i suffered a year ago. Can someone sing lullaby for me so i can sleep soundly? haha.

Time is moving really fast. And soon, its gonna be a new year. A new begining awaits. Hoping to be a better person in time to come. Insyaallah. And i'm still in denial that i'm turning 21 in less than 2 months time?? 21+4=?? AHHHHHHHH!! TIDAKKK AKO TIDAK PERCAYA!!! I'm kindda worried when i think about my future. And when i start thinking, i'll have headache for sure. I wish i'm still a baby. haha! There's not a need to worry about anything. Nope. I'm not fit to be a baby coz i know i can only fit to be a baby's mom hahahaha!!

I'm kindda lost and confused now. Is that a normal thing for a grown up like me? Well, i know that everything's been written. Time will tell. Good things will come to those who waits. Yeah its true. I'll wait. Patience is the key to success. I'll wait for my prince charming/anak raja/bakal pacar ku/matair ako kat europe to come and save me.HAHAHAHAHAHA! I know, not today or tomorrow but one fine day.

Because of my past, i learn to appreciate my presence. Ive gone through alot of heartbreaking moments. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. And that reminds me of you.

To you, its gonna be a year since that incident. I just felt like it happened yesterday. Come next year, it's gonna be our 7th years of friendship. But i know that it won't happened. I wish you treasure our friendship like how much i treasure it. And now you're gone. For the better or worst, i don't know. You really left me. You did. Eventhough you told me you won't leave me. What you told me are just lies. Till now, i still can't believe it. My greatest fear was loosing you. And it did really happened. I hate it when my mom ask about you. I just don't have the courage to tell the truth. Coz for the fact that you're never once mine.

Ok im getting all emotional. It's time to really move on and never look back. But it's never easy. To get over someone, you need to have a replacement. It's true. I wish i had. Ok, time will tell baybeh. I need the strength to stay strong.

I'm off to get ready! Finally im going out to get some fresh air. haha
Byez!

2008-12-17T13:12:00.000+08:00

I'm not feeling okay. I felt uneasy since yesterday. I don't know why. Hmmm. Pms kot?hahahahha! So ive been rotting at home for almost a week. K best. I'm bored. Anyone, anybody, everyone, everybody??? Please come and save me dong.haha

I'm waiting for ppl to ask me out.heh. I'm getting bored with my daily routine. Everyday the same old thing.haha Wake up late, eat, watch tv, play with Dede my hamster, surf the net, ya thats about it. See, i don't go out. Setakat klua masok bilik jek.haha. Astaga.

So yest night my bro told me and my mom about something that makes me having goosebump. Its about a picture that my bro's friend took turn out having an extra head/face smilling to the camera. Serammm kaperrrr! They took that picture by reflecting their camera at the mirror. And end up having an extra face smilling together with them. He told me it's a girl face with shoulder hair length. And the smile is so scary. haha. Abeh abeh kn ako takot. Tk le tdo mlm. haiyak! The problem is this is not the first time i heard such stories. I love to look into the mirror at night. Oh, did you know that mirror used to be my bestfriend.KHAKAKAKA! That was before. When i was having depression. What past is past.heh. Now, i won't dare to look into the mirror and smile to myself at night. haiya. So, the moral of the story is never take a picture reflecting from a mirror. You never know you'll have extra guest smilling with you! haha. Anyways, i'll try my best to get that picture.

Ok thats all for now. dada!

2008-12-16T01:50:00.000+08:00

Finally, ive made up my mind to update my dusty blog. heh. Lets see for how long i can last updating my blog.nyahaha! That's if im not lazy.

Ive got so much to rant in mind but i just don't know how to start. Now,Im having my holidays that's the reason why im updating my blog to kill boredom. Well, i don't really miss blogging. Coz for the true fact that ive been blogging somewhere that no one will ever know. NYAHAHAHAHA. Neneynipoopoohh. Its more like a private space where i really let out what ive been keeping all these while. Since i know that my life will never be the same like before ever since my MR confidant had long gone. It ain't a smooth ride for me. I'm all alone now. Just so you know, it was never easy. But overall, im really grateful and happy with the way i am now and the things around me. Now, i do believe in things happened for a reason. yeah. Hoping for miracles to happen.

So today, all i did was staring at the comp for almost a day.haha. Nope, i was having a hard time finding a perfect template for my blog. Reason bcoz i couldnt ask for help since onni wasn't online. ONNI nolong gue sih!! haha. Onni, its the holidays, lets spent more time together yo! I miss spending time with you. And i'll be looking forward for the PMK outing. Im starting to miss everyone.heh. So just now talk on the phone with syak and we really had a good laugh.nyahahaha she told me she misses my stupid jokes. haha! And she misses me too. AWWWW. haha

I can't wait for my hair to grow much much longer. Ive promised myself not to cut my hair no more. I mean my fringe. haha coz i got itchy fingers. Anyone wanna accompany me for a jog in the morning? I wanna go jogging but it seems so hard for me to accomplish my mission. nyahahaha. I need a personal trainer. Im becoming more fat-er each day pass. haiya how ah?
Thats all for now i guess.bye!

2008-12-15T17:51:00.000+08:00

Hey!! Annyeong haseyo!

ps: I'll be back for more ya!

2007-08-31T00:38:00.000+08:00

Deeply hurt

I can't sleep..Im watching the night fall..And im soo confused..What am i supposed to do now?? haiz.....I dun understand..It seems that history gonna repeat once again..I really hope not..Im so broke inside..haiz..

Yesterday i was badly hurt by someone..I cried on my way to somewhere..I couldnt take it anymore..I went to find some peace to ease the pain that im facing that moment..Why???? It's hard to seek for people understanding..I do have a HEART and FEELINGS..But i think they dun give a damn..Selfish!

For now im out of words..speechless..Still waiting patiently..

haiz..suddenly i've got no mood to rant what's in my mind..

Thats all i think..

Thankz im truly hurt..

Goodbye..

2007-08-29T01:06:00.000+08:00

Hello World

Hello world! Hello everyone! Im back! Like finally after so much persuasion from them..Whakakaka!! Miss me?khakaka! Im back from disappearance for almost 1 year..Wow..soo long..Lucky that i did not delete this blog..If not it will be soo troublesome..

I started blogging since 2005 and stop blogging since last year..The reason why i stopped blogging was because i myself dunnoe why..haha..No, actually i realised that i can't control my anger so that's the reason why i stopped blogging.. I dun wanna vent my anger here and it won't be nice..Khakaka!!

First of all, i really wanna say a BIG Thank You to my girlfriend for helping me with this bloggy..Makasih Banget gitu loh! Im like so lazy to find the blogskin and do what im supposed to do..Khakaka!! Since you've helped me, i think i will bake something sweet for you..So that you will get toothache..Eh not toothache but fats!! Whakakaka!! Eh wait, ape chappati?? Ah ok set! Just tell me when..Insyaallah..

All this while, i do have the urge to come back to the world of blogging..I've always wanted to rant everything that had happened..I used to keep a diary..I do keep it till now..Just that i dun pen down my thoughts in my diary anymore..Coz at one point of time, i think i've found myself a living diary..And i dun find the need to write in my diary anymore..That person is like a diary to me and i am the pen..
My very last entry was on april..

When i read back my diary, i reminisced every single things..How i missed the old times..When i had a great fall and was at my worst..I was alone..Trying to adjust myself with my new surroundings..Hopes and dreams being shattered to pieces..And even dreams that was about to turn to reality..Hopes being given..I thought happiness was on the way..Suddenly, what went wrong? I dunnoe..Im just soo confused..Time will tell..Patience takes it all..

I still remember the times when i went gugugagagegegigi over Rustam..Whakakaka!!! At that moment, i started to go crazy over cheese... Khakakaka!! Actually till now i am still crazy over cheese..Only you, you and you knows what i meant by cheese..Khakaka!! I mean halal cheese okay!Haiz..I miss everything..I miss my bestfriends..I wanna meet them..I wanna laugh with them..
haiz..ppl lets make plan to chill out together..This is like my very last wish gitu loh..And whats with me with that old padi song??haha..haiz..

Okay..umm..So many things had happened to me..For now i think, im facing depression..My insomnia is back! So does my headache..My appetite is soo unpredictable..One moment im hungry, and next i dun have any appetite to eat.. Nowadays i tend to think alot..Something's bothering me..Someone, anyone? Please help me clear my conscience..I can't take it no more..How much longer must i keep everything in darkness? Sometimes, i just can't put everything in words to describe what im feeling..I pray to be given more strength to face everything by myself..amin..Maybe there's a better plan being made for me..I just have to wait and see..Patience is the key...

Fuyooh..what a long entry..Khakakaka!! Okay la thats all..
TAta!

2006-08-24T15:25:00.000+08:00

I've MOVED..

Nyahahaha =P

Boohoo..

The link is:

I CANT TELL YOU

WHAHAHA

2006-08-21T14:45:00.000+08:00

Haiz..

Today the day is soo boring.. In the morning on the way to skool, Wak called and told me to forget about going to skool..Coz most of them cant enter the klaz.. Like WTF kn..Dasar pari! So mean! Klaz start at 8 and i wake up at 7 as if i can reach there that early..baahh..Even if i rush theres no use..

Im starting to hate skool bcoz of that pari! Soon my attendance will drop.. Now im back to my old bad habit, skipping klaz..wohoo..

Now im in java klaz..so damn boring..And the teacher is soo kanchiong..Bodo tol!

I just cant be bothered and ignore that teacher..What i do is smile and laugh to my self..Haha! and they say i got disease..laughing and smiling to myself..wahaha sukati ako la asalkn ako bahagie suda..

Later on got XPT klaz..Its soo dreadful to go to that klaz..Moreover got that pari bodo tu!!! I wish to skip his lesson but the when i think back bout my attendance..

haiyo change my mind..But if morning lesson i skip, i got my own reasonable reason..My teacher lock the door and we cant enter the klaz..Atleast we made an effort to come..baahh..

ok bye!

2006-08-17T13:58:00.000+08:00

Too Sad

At that moment, i feel like dying.. You never will understand how i feel.. Too hurt..

gudbye..

2006-08-10T20:10:00.000+08:00

Too MUCH!!!

Im typing this coz i cant control my anger ANYMORE!!!!!! Too much lah!! Really testing my patience..But i will stay calm and control my anger as long as i can..

If not for my parents, i think they would have died by now..But its okay.. Alah kafirun ako tk herans ah..Nanti mati jugak kan dorg.. I wish they will die in any serius accident SOON..k amin..If not anytime sooner i will kill them with anything near that i can reach.. haha!! No i dun wan to commit any more sins.. Enough is enough.. Biar allah saje yang balas jase2 mereke semue..amin

Teachers day is coming..1 september.. And i wish all the teachers can go to **** k? Actually i wish teachers doesnt exist in this world..Coz i really hate them.. T.E.A.C.H.E.R.S.. Be it the new one or the old ones.. Those who have taught me before..Semue same.. I dun appreciate them.. BCoz of them i suffer.. Bcoz of them i felt the miserables.. From last time till now..

I hate them bcoz of, Bias, Unreasonable, racist, revengeful, and many many more lah.. The most thing i hate them is bcoz they love to insult,critic students sesuke hati mak bpk tiri dorg je!!!!! Worst still, melayu kutuk melayu sendiri.. Bile melayu nk maju kn gini? I pity myself and some of my friends.. Like what had happened last time..Its like 2 years ago.. Yang tau diam2 je la eh.. The thing is we cant forget that incident.. TERGURIS lah hati kitorg ni.. Buat org mcm tkde perasaan je.. Yelah mentang2 lah kitorg ni bukan nah pandai nah kan.. See they are so pilih kasih.. All those slenger2 bengap2 they put aside and kutuk2 abesan nye! btol tak? Okay lah i shall not rake up about the past.. But im sure me and someone obviously will not forget about 'what had happened' last time.

Yelah if you're working in the customer service line kn, Customers is alwaes right..

If you are studying in a place called School kn, teachers is always right..Btol tk org?? See, its so unfair.. Where is our rights?? I dun mean to hurt any parties.. But this is the only way i can release my anger..Alah kalo terase korng pe psl ah.. Asek nk kene jage hati org je.. Pastu org2 ni sume pijak kepale..Sekali ako smack kn satu2 nye muke tros jadi monyet baru tau!!!

K i think i'll stop here before it gets more longer..Now i feel MUCH more better after typing all this.. Maybe i'll be insane one day all bcoz of the humans called Teachers. O are they humans?? hah i dunnoe lah.. Tolong lah..Ako tak mahu menderita beginian sih..Bisa jadik sewel gue ni..

Da bla ah..

2006-08-09T17:46:00.000+08:00

Dull

Im back..Today the day is soo dull..I put my stressness aside first..

I think my first ever short novel written by me is coming to the end..Insyallah.. haha..Prasan gituk..I'll be more motivated to find more ideas and write if i watch more bioskop..Especially indonesian bioskop..Like Ungu Violet..Great story that can touch my heart and memerangsang kn ako nk buat movie tersendiri gitu..Wahahah!!! fat hope..Too bad i missed Tentang Dia..I love the film Mengejar Matahari..Its about frienship between four friends..Friendship being tested..Its a really good film to watch..

I wish i can make my own movie or novel ke..Kan seronok..I would love to write stories bout life and reality..As time pass by, we are getting mature..The way we think and react..And now i heard, listen and see stories bout keruntuhan families..Sori lah my english is bad..About this and that..I felt sympathy..But all i can do is let them be strong and be their listening ears..I'll be there..Like before, i dun really see the inside world..Now i see so many unwanted things..Sometimes it scares me..

I wanna watch more indon bioskop..Though some may say that their story line are very slow and boring but i find it interesting..Gua bukan minah jiwe2 ehk..

Someday if god's willing, i wanna write stories that can touch everyones heart and maybe they will cry while watching the climax..wahahaha!!

Kan bez kalo ako masok skola sastera..haha..Ish lah dey, this is singapore.. All of the bakat terpendamz wont go any further.. Pendek kate susa nk carik makan kalo ikot bakat je..Btol tk org?? If i live in Indonesia ke Malaysia ke maybe can ah..Here we cant really breathe so easily..You have to find your own ways..If not you'll be suffocating..tsk tsk..

So if anyone wanna bring me to movies plz dun watch all those english movies k??

I dun really minat only if i have the mood..hoho..Ish i wish my dream came true..amin ok la byebye..

2006-08-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

Im under alot of pressure..Tooooo stress for the moment.. The ppl ard me are really pressurizing me.. I cant take it no more.. They are making me stress, real stress.. Ppl, please stop all those bull shit..CAN??!! I dun wish to go to skool tomorrow..or anymore.. I wish to keep myself away from my social life at the moment.. Dun ever wish for any reply or contact or wateva..Coz i wont bother.. I want peace at the moment.. Wish i could stay far far away..No im not trying to run away from problems..I just want to have some peace.. Gudbye people..

2006-08-02T17:19:00.000+08:00

Helppp!!!! cAn somebody please bring me to the dentist???? Please..baahh.. My toothache is getting worst..No actually, its my last tooth growing..It is soo painful.. Ive lost my appetite to eat..By right i cannot eat coz i hardly can chew.. I need to visit the dentist to have one of my tooth pluck out..Coz theres no more space for the new tooth to grow..baahh..

2006-08-02T09:36:00.000+08:00

Baahhh

Today im still sick..Recovering a little..Actually nuthing much to update..

I just wanna tell umm..

P.s: To catwoman,tomorrow do pick me up from school k with your new vespa..

Dun forget to bring along extra helmet okay..I'll be waiting for you ard the school main gate k??!! Love you so muchh.. muah muah

k bye bye..

2006-07-31T20:47:00.000+08:00

Boohoo

Today im down with fever, flu and toothache..The pain is sooo adoi..And in skool i have to endure the pain..My headache is really pain i cant take it..

And nowadays, ive lost lots and lots of bloods..Only allah noes why..

Till my fren in skool have to say to me that i look sick and pale..boohoo

I received a shocking and happy news yesterday..To make it short..My one and only bestfriend in the group[wahaha] is getting engaged..Like this sunday..soo fast time fly..All the best to you and congrats my dear friend..

I should be happy..Happy for my friend..But in the other hand i dunnoe why im feeling sad at the same time..

As time pass by, each and everyone of us are GOING to our separate ways..boohoo

Maybe the rest succeed in their life, get married blablabla..and and by the time im dead..BOoohoo..Only time will tell..To me, life is really short..I can see that..

bye bye..

2006-07-28T01:15:00.000+08:00

Today is today..Today is my most depressed day..I mean in school.. I look like one retarded person in class..I kept looking outside the window even though my teacher's giving the theory..

I myself dun noe and understand what i've been thinking all this while..Out of sudden, in Java class, i wanted to cry.. I feel like taking the glass cover for the comp and smashing it at the window or worst smashing it anyone's face or head..

HAHA..

But no, i did control my emotions..Then suddenly i felt like dying..I wanted to die..No no I wanted to cry..CRY..Cry in pain..Coz my spine or my back hurts sooooo badly..At that moment i feel like lying down..The pain you wont understand..

And thankz to my two best buddy in class for making me smile with your stupid mat kotai hairstyle and the klepeeek lips..haha

Today for the first time in my life someone read my personal stories..It is really too personal that no one can read it..But since you're someone i trust then i let you read it..

And i sympathise with you for whats happening in your life rite now..

Be strong okay..

And today i had my really heavy dinner..haha then on the way home, met someone that soo long ive never seen..Kinda funny..haha..Akward..

Tomorrow or later in the afternoon, someone is coming over to give me a massage..Due to my spine that hurts badly..Haha i can die out of pain one day..It is torturing me..I cant sit for a very long time especially in class and on the bus..

I wanna save money..Wohoo!!!

Nowadays, i dun spend my quality time alone in the room like i used to..I dun noe, i cant find the time..Stare at the mirror, smile to myself.Talk to myself,and write all the things that stuck in my head.See, ive lost my inspirations to write..I wish to be a novelist one day..Like Biyan..haha Who wrote every single things that happened in her life..haha

okay bye..

2006-07-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

Hello World

Today is the first day of skool.. Soo tiring and boring..I feel so reluctant to go to skool..Moreover skool starts at 8 and end at 5.30..hurgh!Lucky today end at 4.30..

Like always i came late ard 9.30..haha

Something is bothering me at the moment..And theres this weird feeling that i cant explain..Its making me sick.. And currently im under alot of stress and pressurizes.. So many things to think of, yet so little time..whats more we have not done our presentation slides.. That carries ard 40%..herggggh

And otw to skool, i had breathing difficulties..Something got to with my heart, lungs and breathing passage way haha..I had to calm myself by thinking the happy things and saying some prayers..but still it calm me a little..

Lucky got the monkeys that always make my day..Always make us laugh and forget about the miserables..Tak nampak gusi nampak gigi pon jadi lah..haha

They share their stupid lame jokes and story about mat2 pizza atau lebih dikenali sebagai pizzaboy..haha..And tips2 about taking care of our skin..haha da mcm maknyah..And updating about relationships..haha

Funny to noe that the pizzaboy drop the box for storing the pizzas actuali drop in the middle of the road while riding his bike..haha

Then the chicken kfc for delivery drop out from the box..

Now beware if you want to order pizza or kfc..haha tk le pecaye sgt..hahahahaha

And today someone hit me purposely..eee geram nye..mcm nk buat smack down!!

Beh ade hati tak tau malu nk suruh org masak kan die ngan member die..ish ish..haha..tkpe hari raye leh..haha

2006-07-17T12:45:00.000+08:00

Al-Fateha

Al fateha kepade mereka yang sudah berada di alam yang laen.Semoge roh-roh mu dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan disisi orang-orang yang beriman.. Semoga allah mengampunkan segala dosa-dosa mereka yang lalu.

Amin amin ya rabbal alamin..

Sesungguhnya mati itu adalah benar..Dan ia akan terjadi bila2 mase sahaje..Now, later, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow..I dun noe..It may be me, you or them..

Who noes.. In just this week, soo many people have passed away.. I think this is a wake up call for me.. To stop pretending and live in my fantasy world, that life might just end sooner or later.. Without us knowing it gonna happen.. Coz everything is fated and in his hand.. All of these had set my mind thinking of whats gonna happen later and what i've done all this while.. Now i wanna cry.. Maybe i shall start preparing..Prepare for what?? haha you noe i noe maybe people dun wanna noe..boohoo..

Who say tomorrow never dies?? Tomorrow will die.. If i die, ish blom sempat nk buatkan surat wasiat..haha step ako bnyk harta jek..baahh..

Dear the one who is reading this, have you ever imagine of whats gonna happen if your family or worst your parents gonna leave you forever?

And next you will be lonely and be the loner in this world? have you ever imagine?

So better cherish each and evryone of them and look or stare at their face with a wide wide smile..

One day, i sat down and look at my parents and start imagining things like what if one day they leave me?or what if one day i leave them?Of coz if i leave them nothing happen lah kan.. Sometimes when i look at them, i wanna cry..Especially like whats happening rite now..baaahh..Dont bother to noe whats happening rite now..

Overall, life is really short..Now lets start thinking bout death..hoho..I think there may be people calling me kental..Kental over what? Kental over soo many things that i dun have..Like dot, dot and dot..But now i dun care..Tk heran.. Maybe segelintir sahaje manusie yang mengerti..haha.. As long i can cherish the people around me dah cukop memadai..amin..

okay la bye..

2006-07-12T16:07:00.000+08:00

Bored

Im back..From holiday..hoho like real only..haha..The reason why i didnt update coz either the comp is sick or im sick..Or sometimes both sick..

My kesakitan still berlarutan sampai ke hari ini..I myself dun noe why..

I think its getting worst..Every now and then i'll be complaining to my mom about how painful my headache can be..Surely she can do nuthing..hurhur..And not forgetting smsing supergirl's kwn seperjuangan i think is Catwoman or something or the Keluangman singer i think so, after each time i vomitted..hoho..Alah yang kaki die le buat sup tulang tu..haha

I think one day i'll be admitted to the hospital..hoho..

I cannot angkat you noe..Next thing i'll be doing is hitting my head on the wall..haha

I've just found out that i reaaalllyyy hate to take public transportation!!!! Wait till i have my own vehicle then i can travel anywhere without any problems like pantat..I hate to wait at the bustop.I hate to take the single decker bus agi2 bile part penuh alaaaamaak.I hate to take mrt.And i hate to take the taxi if im alone whats more the fare have rise up like pantat.

EEEEE...

Yesterday nite, i almost spend half an hour standing and waiting for the bus..

Sparoh gile ako dibuatnye..Thought of having our dinner since our stomach had start making hip hop sound..But then have to cancel it since we are going to be late and the class gonna start soon..Too bad..We only bought snacks and in class we curi2 makan..haha

Now then i noe istilah Musafir..Oh patot la ade lagu Musafir di aidilfitri yer..hoho

Last but not least,to Rambot Klepeeeek, may allah bless you with wateva you've done all these while..amin.

Dun laugh whoever noes about these..HAHA

Okay la bye!

2006-07-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

O_o

I wonder why doesnt it rain anymore?? My eyes are getting better..But my coughing still doesnt stop.. I've been feeling soo sick these past few days.. My head giving me problems..Bad headache every now and then..And these few days i've been vomiting..Before that my head was like spinning and i felt like passing out.. Wonder what will happen if i do passed out..haha

Then the next thing, i'll be running to the toilet to throw up..After that i'll be feeling so restless.. It will get worst if i start to stress up and start thinking till my brain stop working..By then, sume urat2 kat tengkok ako tegang and next i'll be vomiting..

Bleh pecah kepale..i wonder what is my sickness..Sometimes i feel like doing head banging or worst asked my mother to hit my head with her legs haha..

The most painful headache that i cant take it anymore, is when i feel like as if theres a needle being poke to my head inside my brain..i want to cry CRY..

I wonder..skali kene brain tumor ke cancer ke manela tau kan..allah saje yang tau..haha..But before anything happens, i've long prepared for the worst.. Ready and steady..set go..haha..I've prepared for anything to happen..Alah sume nye da tertules sudah suratan..Before that, i wanna make my parents HAPPY..for once.. i hope it came true..amin..

Sometimes i hate to see the time and date..Date especially..i dun noe why..Thats why till now i've lost track of whats the date today??haha

Okay la i wanna sleep bye..

2006-07-03T01:01:00.000+08:00

Worsen

Bismillah..Assalammualaikum everyone..haha..

Okay first i wanna say that the weather is really HOT..Even now i am perspiring.. Okay then i dun need to go for a jog everyday to perspire alot..haha

And my sorethroat is getting worst.I cant stop coughing..First i got sorethroat and now im having sore eyes..No not really sore eyes ah adek bradek die je..My left eye is swollen..Da sepet makin sepet ako haha..So the sore sore haha..

Okay i think for one day i bathe for like 3 times haha..blame the weather so hot.. I feel like bathing with ice water..Or worst is sit inside the refrigerator haha..Disaat2 begini ako rase mcm nk pasang aircon ajek..haha..the fan with full blast wont work i tell ya..

And now here comes the holiday..I still cant imagine what i'll be doing for 3 weeks..Sit at home and rot..oh no no, i'll cook and ask my closed one to join in for a feast haha!! no occasion just for fun..haha

Mostly i'll be helping my mom to clean up, clean up..What more can i do besides that kan..

i feel like finding a job..naah..so i'll have stable income..

Fasting month is two months away..i wonder if i can stay till that long..hurhur..

Okay a lil update about friday..

Friday was Gma's chalet..Only me and Fini came..I did suspen them by not replying any msges..haha blame the battery..haha If you dun noe you wanna noe actually i cant be bothered to charge my phone..this is what happens haha..

I was wif my school uni until 11pm..haha confirm org ingat ako gile..

When i met up with fini was already late the we wen to search for her prezzie..

So i cant be bothered to run back home and change..

I did suspen my parents tooooo..HAHA..In my thoughts, sblom ako alek konfirm dorg ngat ako da mAtI tk balek2 agi..Kene kidnap ke kene rompak ke sesat tgh2 jln ke pengsan on the way ke..cam tu ah..memandang kan ako saket agi kn..haha

But no i was still safe..under his care amin..

Oh on that day too i saw him with his girlfren haha..wonder why i was too excited wen i saw him..So lucky to have pretty girlfren..Konfirm member kembang kalo die bace ni haha..Oh member aru amek lesen..so gud luck to you dude!Kalo da ade kenderaan jgn lupe ako haha!!

Actually my current mood is sad..SAD..yes..

I was about to lose my confidence again thanks to the people..Pls STOP making my self esteem low..I mean LOW..

I am not those lucky creature in the universe to get support from everyone close or knew me..Im tired okay..Sometimes we must watch what we say..Those come out from your mouth may have the risk..wth..

It is sad to see how ppl actually change..Change infront of your eyes..Change for the better is good but if change for the worst then im out of words..

Okay i'll shall not elaborate more..

I dun understand 'coward'..These are just making me confused.. After sharing those stories with him and her..im quite relieved..And thanks buddy for the advice..I'll head them insyallah..And i'll pray for you and her may the both of you last longer and lead a blessfull life ahead..insyallah..haha

Okay i shall stop here before it gets more longer..

Oh i'll be waiting for the invitation card next year..hehe

okay bye!

2006-06-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

Im Mute for today

Today the to-be-continued napfa being postpone again..This is like for the i dun noe how many times being postponed..Due to the weather..Its soo hot..scary..

And today too, most of the time in school im quiet..Mute for the day..Im having a bad sorethroat that i cant talk..It will be so painful when i talk..so i rather keep quiet..plus++ i had fever..i sleep in the bus all the way..Going to school and back home..

Then today no one to entertain my friends haha..coz im mute..so we did not laugh that much..Then i dun have the mood to disturb my favourite SEWEN teacher loh!!haha

Someone asked never pay a visit to the doctor??haha tkya la susah2..

My mom wondering i just had fever that day and now im having it again..haha dun worry, sakit tu kan rahmat..amin

Oh no im in love again..Im in love with the same woman who's gonna leave me in the end..No no i've been fool again..I've been fool with same woman who's gonna leave me in the end..

Have you ever heard that song before?? haha sedap gile..

Too addictive..Seduction haha..Its from Freaky Z..Same woman again..haha dun believe go and listen from anywhere k..

I think im gonna be that old me yg giler2 kan hip hop tk menjadi haha!!!

Remember my friends?? Haha last time i used to be in love with hip hop..but now no more..no friend to smangat2 join hip hop haha!!! If anyone interested to join with me pls email me..wahaha cam btol jek..

I prefer hip hop coz i find it is also a kind of exercise..besides rapping, exercising your jaws++mouth++cheeks...haha maybe i'll try to rap one day..haha!! mesti bez kn..

haha k bye!

2006-06-26T21:26:00.000+08:00

Sicko

Im soo sick today..so do the comp..im getting frustrated when i need to use the comp..comp also got pms..comp ako nga nazak jap agi da kojol..hergh! Im soo depressed..ive got presentation slides to do then this comp giving me problems.. This week is the last day of skool..And the skool is sooooo quiet..i like..

My current favourite song is Retak..old song, i dun noe why but i cant stop listening to it..
Time do fly really fast..dont you realise it too? Adakah itu tande2 nye??hanya allah saje yang tau.. haha..

Nowadays ppl do get free Mp3 easily..like whoa haha..Just now in class Khair let me listen to his fren's song..Tiada.. Quite nice the rapping like Imran ajmain version..hoho.. So good to have frens that can compose their own song then can sing2..haha..
Then just now soo funny.. Ezz asked him what is the name of his fren, then he answer Apit.. haha dgn cpt Ezz kate 'eh mcm name KETIAK je' HAHAHAHA bodoh tol!!! Apit n Armpit..quite the same mah..haha no offence to those by the name of Apit.. This is a joke of semate-mate nothing got to do with anyone hoho..

Then those two monkeys cant stop demanding for Birthday presents..padahal birthday agi lame haha.. Mintak bende branded2 agi ade..Tk reti lah ako..haha.. Nevermind still got 2 months to plan.. Planning to celebrate Ezz and Aisha's advanced birthday together..But dun noe where..hoho.. Insyallah kalo ako panjang umur..

When i think about that someone, im gonna suffer heart pain again..and the heart pain may kill me softly and slowly.. But alhamdullilah syukur, i have my close friends that always make me happy.. In school especially, now i can feel that im happy like before.. I can laugh2 till i get stomach cramp.. Thanks to them, they are my sunshine after the thunder storm rain..hoho..maybe without them i'll be soooo lonely and be that stupid girl that will wait for the never-ending-story..

Maybe life will be meaningless..After we graduate,insyallah, confirm i will miss them..Coz i treasure friendship more..hoho

A little bit of attention given means alot to me.. Alhamdullilah syukur, im really grateful to him of what given to me.. Walaupun sedeharna bukan pade harta kekayaan tetapi kebahagiaan yang terus memancar sinarannya dari sudut kehidupan ini.. HOHO.. ceh berkate punjangga plak ako.. haha.. what i mean is the happiness that im having with my family.. i hope it will stay strong forever and ever..amin..
I wonder why doesnt it rain today..hmm i hope it will rain tomorrow amin..
ok la bye..

2006-06-22T15:20:00.000+08:00

I cant control my ANGER

Someone pls help me..Im having a very bad headache..i want to do head banging..haha..The rain is back..And im back after not updating for few days..

Actually yest i had my longest entry then suddenly when i want to publish, the whole thing is gone..made me pissed off!!hah

I cant control my anger..im being moody these past few days..i dun noe why..

im soo temperamental..Its soo unpredictable..sumtimes, it make me scared too..

haha..After throwing my tantrum mostly at my family, the next thing i'll do is cry..CRY..haha like as if someone just gave me a slap..Im being so emotional..

The thing is dun you find it weird? Im being so angry then i cry haha i find it weird..I think im too depressed..So many things that pressurise me..

So beware dun come near me if not i'll bite you!!

Yest is soo funny..During vjp lesson we had nothing to do..i think i can sleep all the way..but since i've presentation slides to do, then i squeeze my brain juice to start doing the slides..

After squeezing my brain juice, i get bored..then i started to irritate Ezz..haha

After i had enough of irritating him, ako ajak Ezz tengok DANGDUT..HAHA

we watch dangdut at youtube..Kite tgk inul joget rabak...haha he get soo excited upon seeing inul joget dangdut..haha dangdut campor techno..so funny..

haha gile tkde keje lain nk uat tgk dangdut..

Yest Ezz brought a funny bag to skool..at first i thought the bag belongs to someone that are so smangat blaja yg jongang+kero ngan cermin mate besar punye bag skali die punye lah..haha klaka sak..

Holidays is ard the corner..anyone wanna go jogging with me??haha

just now Ezz ask whether i wanna go jogging with him..but one thing i must go down to ubi..haha so far..takya jogging sampai sane on the way nk pi sane pon da mcm jogging haha

Yest we talk about malay wedding under the void decks..then suddenly Ezz said no lah on the roof top..Since he say under the roof top, then i suggested him to do his wedding at the multi-storey carpark on the highest level..HAHAHA kan roof top tu..tk ke btol tu haha..then we start to imagine how will the kompangs come the makcik and pakcik all haha funny..

ok la i wanna sleep my head is soo heavy the headache is killing me..

bye

2006-06-16T11:27:00.000+08:00

Hello

My eyes are so heavy..im so sleepy..due to the drug..wahaha!!! no lah, before going to skool i took two pills..haha and now im so sleepy+boring..

Yest i accidently disturbed someone..hoho someone i dun noe..i say "assalamualaikum" at that person, and he dengan sepantas kilat tgk kat ako haha

org tk sengaje kn..then i was like soo paisey..tu lah suke kacau org kn..haha

I thought i was softspoken but at that moment i was wrong..haha

slenger btol..next time if ever i accidently disturb anyone..then i must say sorg saje?da lame tunggu den laugh lah hahaha abeh tk tau step pakai tepon ah..haha!!!

The song Sudah from Nidji is soo sedap..haha

k la bye!

2006-06-15T16:49:00.000+08:00

Hoho
Haha sepet
kIte

Cikonye kembar

Yeay

Today the day is soo boring..mendak..And the weather is so hot nowadays..no more rain drops falling on my head..haha

All i do in class is slack..instead of doing assignments, i surf2 the net..search for lyrics..haha..then i sing2 to make myself happy..baaahh..

Yeay yeay!! ako amek gamba dengan Ciko-look-alike..haha

Ok la bye!

2006-06-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

Ooohh

Its raining,its pouring..i love the rain..the weather is soo cold..and im so bored to the core..I have a test tomorrow but i never study..coz i've tried reading my theory book but i in the end i dun understand a single thing..

Now im having headache..so dizzy..i wanna go check up and have an x-ray..the pain is killing me..killing me softly gitu..my spine is injured..i cant sit for a very long time..i wish you injured your spine too, so you can feel the pain too..NO, im not cursing..im telling you the facts..arrgghh..

Wishing that my wishes came true..ho ho ho...I want an elder sister to be my closest soul and a Bunny Rabbit to be my bestfriend..can?anyone pls grant my wish..baahh..

I think its just my luck to have friends like biskut with chocolate chips on top..alah chipsmore lah pendek kate..hergh

Now you see,now you dun..cak! like that ah..in malay, skejap ade, skejap tkde..

hurhur ape la nasib kn..

i hate all the *toot* GEBRET in the whole wide world..to hell with them..if i have a gun i'll shot them first..no no, i'll shot their teeth first then they wont have their sweetest last say..hoho..then after that i'll be charged for murdering and be sentenced whole life jailed..hoho..This is you noe, i noe, everyone dun noe and the rest dun be kepo kepo..okay?! this is not action, this is missing in action wahhahaha!!!!ape mapek sak..ako GERAM, ako GERAM, ako GERAM!!!!

hah..my napfa is not completed..ive yet to finish my 2.4..ish ish..4 more rounds to go..hopefully it will rain when i have to run haha..

ok la bye!

2006-06-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

Wah

Wah..Today I just got to noe that kawan-ku-yang-setia-n-lame has got a girlfren liao..Finally..Congrats to you!!haha..Im so happy for you..do take care of her aitez..if got any prob do tell me..haha

We the setia frens do update each other when we got any new news to share..

Our friendship will never die..amin..

Today my whole body cramp..i cant walk properly..I look like an astronaut when i go down the stairs..haha..And Suzy cant stop making me laugh..till my stomach cramp..haha

Finally tomorrow is our napfa..im so worried that i cant jump..i have no confident moreover my whole body still cramp..Then tomorrow have to reach school early2 sey..hah

Stupid youtube!!damn scary videos!!i hate you!! just now in class they let me watch the most scariest video of all..to me lah..its like @#$%#$!! scary siol..

the video is damn eerie..Then till now i get alil freak after watching it..

when i reach home i was alone..home alone..i sat at the sofa all the way till my father reach home..ako takot bodo!!haha seram shia..i bet if you watch that video you wont get to sleep tonite..wahahaha

HAHA..Blue melayu??haha dirty minded ppl..haha

Singapore idol is so merepek..kn kn kn kn dun you agree with me??

haha ok la bye!

2006-06-07T21:39:00.000+08:00

Haha

Today, history is repeating itself..haha no, just now while i was happily going down the stairs, i suddenly fell..AGAIN..how clumsy i can be..haha!! it'll be soo embarassing if there were lots of ppl..luck was on my side, i didnt get hurt like before..haha that was worst..no, actually i fell bcoz my legs was wobbly like jelly..haha bedek je..lenguh lah..coz i practiced my jumping skills for the upcoming jumping frog competition..whahaha!! abeh percaye..today SW was cancelled due to the napfa week..so we the monkeys make full use of the time by practicing our standing broad jump..memandangkn kite da lame tk amek napfa, so kite pon try2lah..haha..this was what we get, never warm up first cramp sane cramp sini ah..

Today i am soo the hyper and cranky..i keep teasing and i cant stop disturbing suzy and aisha..

they are my no. 1 target..wahaha..and i cant stop laughing bcoz of the stupid jokes that we shared..bleh terkoyak perot ako..and we being the good students, instead of paying attention to vjp theori, we bloghop2 and critic here and there..haha jahat nye kite..but it was fun..

Till i came across someone's blog that really may touch anybody's heart...That person just passed away last week..sad story..She died bcoz of cancer..It was really sad..Her last update was really sad..and now her sister continued to update her blog..Imagine that today you just updated your blog, then the day after you leave everything behind..maybe without even having the last chance to say your last resort...even now when im typing, i wanted to cry..May you rest in Peace..

So treasure every single soul in your life now before its too late to show that they are really precious to you..Life is really short..It all depends on us how to make use of our lives..

No wonder my eyes keep twitching from that day..It was so coincidence..My eyes twitch2 and finally i met someone..SOMEONE..haha yg tau tkpe ehk..haha

okay what a small world..and now i cant get rid the picture of you from my eyes.. haha..kenangan manis..okay enough of this..

My most favourite current song that im addicted to is the day i was with you sleeping in the bus early in the morning then suddenly..that song was being aired..HAHA

Must be wondering what is the song titled..what a retro song..really outdated..haha since im too addicted to the song, i decided to post the lyrics just for YOU.. i hope you know who you are..i specially dedicate this song for you..may you remember me for all you life..or when you listen to this song you'll remember me..haha

Terharu

Tak kan ku tahan air mataku ini

Yang jatuh menitis berderai di pipi

Tak kan ku simpan dalam hatiku ini

Biarlah itu berlalu pergi

Sejuta warna menghias angkasa

Berseri penuh sungguh ku terharu

Sejuta rasa yang mengiringi

Dan kini menyentak hatiku

Selalu begitu kejamnya dirimu

Bagaikan malam yang sunyi dan sepi

Engkau biarkan diriku ini

Merintih sedih menangis sendiri

Cukup sudah jangan engkau sakiti

Cukup sudah ku merasakannya

Derita yang ku ini rintihkan

Menghancurkan segala harapan

...Brought to you by..Sweet Charity..

HAHA

oK la bye!

2006-06-06T13:59:00.000+08:00

Berhenti Berharap

Theres a wound in my heart..i wonder when will it heal..Im so hampa when i heard what-im-not-supposed-to-hear..Rain will fall when night comes..haha tk paham?tau takpe..Theres no more hope for tomorrow, coz i've stop hoping..

.....Ako berhenti berharap.....

Today im so sleepy and tired..and my headache is BACK! my head is so heavy..

Just now i walk in the rain..woohoo..i love the rain..haha

I didnt noe that the seniors are so friendly..

Since i want to kill my boredom and time, i took the longest way to reach home..

And NFD module 4 test is so hard mcm nk mampoz sey..bingit uat..

And we will be having our oral presentation on the 5th week..paisey sey..for almost 2 years i didnt do presentation infront whole lot of ppl..i do have communication problem..konfirm mengigil..haha leceh ah..

My napfa test is this friday..agi leceh...arrgghh malaznye ako..

Baahh..dengar2 Ciko is schooling at my school..haha and Ezz do look the same like Ciko and org tu da prasan agi hensem..haha bpk tiri ako agi hensem ako ase wahahaha

My eyes cant stop twitching since last friday..rupe2 nye ari tu twitch2 nk jumpe org tu lah..

haha k la bye..

2006-06-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

Im Happy

Today, i am so happy..till i wanted to fly..wah bedek sey..and i laugh laugh n laugh till i wanted to cry..

Stupid jokes can make my day..haha

I am satisfied and happy bcoz my attendance for the 3 subjects keep up to 100%..woohoo!!! and my teacher said maybe they should give some kind of certificate..haha agaknye lah tu..prasan jek..happy nye ako..the best thing is agaknye lah only few have 100% attendance..wah seronoknye..i must keep it up and dun skip class..

Pain tetap pain but must endure in silence..

Just now i learn something new..and i find it funny..but its the fact..ppl beware while you're opening your hot oven..dun stand too near to the oven coz heat might radiate and might have effect in your body..some fats might get burn underneath your skin..ala-ala internal bleeding gitu..dun you find it funny??bcoz of the heat some of your fats might get burn..haha i find it funny..

After some experiment wahahaha mcm btol jek, for those who want to lose weight in a speedy time..haha children pls try this at home..whahaha!!!

Imagine if its true, ppl might not need to exercise or eat those pills or maybe go on diet..ish3..save time,save money, save energy..haha

ok la thats all for today byez!

2006-06-01T16:07:00.000+08:00

Slengerz

Yesterday was our slenger day..And my blur day..Yest we never went for SW blame on the wrong timing..mcm *toot* arh..who is to blame?hah kindda pissed off after changing then got to noe that sw just ended!! see they knew it and never remind us.. -_-

Then we ended having our break for 2 hours..baahh..

Oh no..i get so blur when its NFD practical lesson..i just cant understand what the bloody hell they are doing..the motif is pinging..when they are trying to set up the pinging, tsunami was inside my brain..lucky it did not explode..i can faint or maybe worst my eyes can go kerox trying to understand..baahh..

And finally i understand understood the codes and formulas for Visual Basic..

it took me so long to understand it..after doing for many times i get so seronok..

Yesterday class ended at 6..and i purposely came home late..coz im sick and tired of being tired..haha wth..since i purposely wanted to come back home late, so i missed lots of bus..And ended up standing at the bustop for almost 1 hour..

i purposely did that coz no one was at home and i dun want to do the house chores like wth..im tired okay..i just came back from school and have to do some cleanings..i reached home ard 8+..wahahaha..Abah was already at home wen i came back..so i am saved for the day..

While i was standing at the bustop, a group of guys from my school came..and obviously they are i year younger from me..and the funny thing is one of them ask me 'Sorang aje?' hahahhaha

mcm pena dengar je..and i swear i wanted to laugh loudly but too bad im alone..

haha dasar gatal tol ah ni budak2..

My right eye has been twitching since yesterday..i wonder who am i gonna meet soon..hmm..

Oh miracles did happen..sometimes my prediction was right..haha just now otw to school i was hoping that ezz was waiting at the bustop with aisha..then he was really there..haha ok wateva

Im soo obsessed with sastera..wonder if there is school of sastera for malay..wahahaha

ok la gudbye romeo..

2006-05-29T20:04:00.000+08:00

Yeay yeay

Wohoo!! Tomorrow someone is going to school with me..haha seronoknye..

Every tuesday i'll be soo happy to go to school..coz i wont be that lonely..like other days i went to school and went back home alone..soo boring..

Tomorrow's morning lesson will be Mr Jefrey Din..wahahha..he has a loud voice kind of irritating..haha Fini told me that he look like Pink Panther..haha

And my SW teacher looks like Shrek wahahha!!jahatnye ako..

Some of my classmates are so jealous..for-i-dun-noe-what-reasons..mapek sey..

ni maklap2 are so unreasonable..boys and girls are just the same..iri hati..gile..but not with me la haha..

And someone is trying to read my notebook..no, actually its not a notebook..its kind of diary..haha secrect diary tau no one will noe it..and no one will get to read it..haha bedek ah..

And he kept asking is it about the guy and the parrot..haha i think so..haha sibok je nak tau rahsia org..

Oh rupe-rupenye ade org tu pon suke tules2 ah..seronok nye..she also likes to write poems..beznye..one fine day i want to write sajak,puisi, syair ke and currently im trying to find ilham to write a cerpen..i love to write..but in malay lah..basically its written from my heart..Jeritan tanpa suare gitu..

One day i want to write a novel..haha dream on..bluek!

I cant wait for the day to happen..bismillah..

i want to add maybe 2 more bags for my collection..haha i love to collect bags..my hobby..then later i will have countless of bags haha..bedek sey..no la for now still can count..see la bsk2 ker..

ok la bye bye..

2006-05-28T13:21:00.000+08:00

Lalalala

Its raining outside..And once again i fall in love with the rain..I love the weather..

Anyone wanna play in the rain with me??haha..im bored..I wanna go out but im lazy..i wanna disturb ppl but i dunnoe who..haha

Time fly so fast without me realising..Next week will be bro's leaving..haha

Then left me and my younger bro..And i can smell FREEDOM..wahaha..no one to control me anymore..wohoo!! seronok nye..all this while, its not my parents who controlled me like remote control haha but its my brother..baahh..sometimes it is sickening and irritating..your brother trying to control you..baahh..

Since he's gonna leave soon, he kept giving us money..haha

And i wont be sending him off..coz tak kuase ah ako.haha nk bla,bla sndiri ah ehk..boohoo..

Next month i have to attend cousins wedding at Batam..i find it so troublesome..

Mak oi semate-mate nk pi jemputan kene chop2 passport leceh nye!! its my nenek nye sepupu tah ape bende from indon..I dunnoe whether wanna follow or not..

If i dun go, then i have to clean the house by myself..Abah say can go for a short holiday lah after that..ish holiday Batam tkde tempat laen ke..hahaha

We will be going ramai2 with my cousins..Konfirm boring kan coz im not close to them and i dun have cousin that same age with me..baahh..nevamind, i think first la wanna tag along or not..

I want to keep my hair long..

haha

I can smell napfa test is coming..I hate napfa..Must run2 in the middle of the school, then must jump2 infront of the teacher..paisey sey..nanti ade je yang tak patot bergoyang..wahahaha!!!!

This week we will be learning to mandikan and kafankan jenazah..whoa..i cant wait..seronoknye..haha..

ok la bye..

2006-05-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

Im Too Full

Hahaha..my stomach is too full..Had a day out wif bestfriends..Girlfriend treat katekn haha..maceh la blanje kite..umm i'll blanje u back when i have a job k =)

haha im wondering how long will it be..

I dun noe why, eversince im in semester 3 haha, im being so hyper..Hyper nak mampoz sampai org tk le angkat wahaha!! sori la sesape yang kene ngan ako..

All i wanna do is laugh,laugh and laugh till my teeth berterabur..hahaha

Now im more playful in class..haha coz i dun give a damn when the teacher's teaching..haha step le paham jek..

Me and my sleepyhead..i always sleep in the bus like nobody business..haha Going to school and going back home..i'll sleep..coz if i dun sleep, i'll be smiling to myself thinking all of the funniest jokes..mcm *toot* sey senyum2 sndiri tau..

Oh no..someone pls help me..Visual basic is getting more harder harder harder..

Very hard to understand the theori..And NFD is getting more worst..i didnt noe it has the combination of Physics and Chemistry+++Maths..mak oi tk minat sey..

theres neutron,proton and electron..like secondary school la..i thought i can run away from the periodic table..but den NO..baahh..its sooo boring learning about the speed of light,refraction,reflection and blablabla..and not forgetting connect here connect there connection everywhere..

ish ish ish..

Ok la bye..

2006-05-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHA

Whats with the cold shoulder anyway?hah..i still dun get it..Its totally different now..I hope you are not a coward and dare to face the fact and not hide under the blanket like a sissy..whoa..Only time will heal the wound..

Oh my peminat-setia-kot is leaving for vietnam this July holidays..HAHAHAHA

So clever and so smart..hahaha..thats why..haha i like seeing your sweety face.. boohoo..so sweet..

Woohoo!!im gonna get myself a thumdrive soon..haha so maseh jakon and excited..of coz lah im so tired of zipping up the folders and sending it to my hotmail..so leceh..haha..too much of hahas..

School have been orite like usual..and the bond between the 3 of us are getting more closer..i love sharing stories with them..haha..

And im back to my old bad habits..eating non-stop..wahaha..ish bedek ah ade stop jugak ah..and now im so boncit..im so worried..i want my flat tummy again like before..hohoho..i think its the cause of me venting my anger on food thats why i cant stop eating..coz i've got no other place to vent my anger anyway..boohoo

Oh this Thursday is my kawan-ku-yg-lame-n-setia birthday..i hope i wont forget to wish happy birthday..coz im having STM..hahaha

Next week will be bro's leaving..hurhur..jgn nangis2 ah nanti eh..bukan nye nk pi ane kn..and my bro kept asking will we miss him..haha think first la eh..

So good of being him..so much attention given..hah

I have this phobia of taking buses..i mean double deck..thank god im still given the chance to update my blog..wahaha..just now on the way back home..i took this double deck bus..while the bus making a turn, it hit something or i dun noe la..i swear that the bus might just tergolek ketepi..seram shia..i rather walk la like this haha..

ok la bye..

2006-05-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

Check check check It Out...

Request untok mase depan..I think i need a lappy..ho ho ho..anyone yang dermawan yang baek hati ikhlas hati nk beli kan ako??hahaha

i need one coz its for school work purposes..haha btol tk kengkwn info-comm..i think they should buy for us one to make it easier for us to do our practicals..hands on baybeh..if i were to save my money to buy a lappy, da habez skola pon ako ase..hoho..

Weee..friday is a holiday!!i love holidays..knape tk teroskan lagi tiap2 hari friday holiday..kan agi seronok..haha..but den duet skola pon tk cukop..boo..

Haha i like visual basic module..soo seronok..wanna noe why?coz everytime in that class, its like free periods for us..hoho..enjoy the aircon for long hours, can surf2 the net sesuke hati ako,can bloghop2,msn2, bring snacks and eat2 mcm picnic,haha beg da mcm 7-11 sume ade,can laugh2 joke2 den can go home..kan seronok tu namenye..ish hati senang perot pon kembang..

Okay i just realised that all of the teachers teaching us are foreigners..mcm *toot*

They are from India,China and Hong kong..bagoz ah tu..international studies tau dun pray2 arh..no wonder they got loads of spelling errors, pronounciation errors and mcm sotong errors..eee tak paham ako da tk cukop singaporeans kot..

Anyway thankz Ezz for choosing my background template for my site..purple nice i like..woohoo..

ok la bubye..im still sad over the gone of "blablabla" its dead anyway..boohoo.. :<

2006-05-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

Happy

Emptiness have been filled with joy and laughter..alhamdullilah syukur..

I like the way my life is rite now..i've finally put the miserables aside and im enjoying with my life..woohoo..live life to the fullest konon..baahh..

School have been quite fun lately..i mean the circle of my friends..melayu melayu kape..haha i love it..like what Aizah said dun bother with the maklapz..

ya why must i bother rite mati jugak dorg satu hari nanti..

My class advisor planning to have class gathering on the 27may at sentosa..and i can see that they are so the semangatz..and they can rilek sua and count me out i mean us out..hurhur..i dun like class gathering..such a waste of time and money..you know money dun come easy..moreover lots of maklapz..eee i dun like..

Today in history, i learnt something in school..woohoo..and i kind of dun like the school or classroom rules..mcm pantat shia..rules is getting more strict..hurhur like as if we care kan..and next month is my napfa test..soo damn fast..ish i hate SW..i cant do anything i ever were to fail that module no certificate when we graduate..mepek nye..

On the other hand, in rememberance of the late "bla bla bla" may you rest in peace..may peace be by ur side.. in loving memories of the "bla bla bla"

i must not bother..why must i bother anyway..boohoo..enjoy whats left..and dun care bout others..im trying my best not to be selfish okay..

Anyway, i would like to thank Aisha and Fini for helping me rise up again during my most down moments..i thought when i look forward it will be dark, but no..

Thankz for hearing my never-ending-stories..i think others would get sick and tired of hearing my stories..thankz for sparing both of urs big ears hor..haha

Anyway aisha, what you told me just gave me hopes to carry on with life..thankz

Pokok nya theres wisdom behind everything that happened..Patience is the best thing..woohoo..alhamdullilah im really happy feel like flying..

i love to live in the midst of thin air..it is soo seronok..haha orang gile mcm ako je yang paham..the new existance of hahahahahaha..if you know den keep quiet eh haha..k la bye..

2006-05-15T09:29:00.000+08:00

Currently having visual basic..boring..nuthing to do..today school end at 4 bcoz of the sw..
yest i received RED love letter from singtel..and bcoz of that love letter, ive gone bankrupt for the remaining month,week..singtel love me so much thats why they gave me love letter..boohoo..
and yest i knew something that i never knew would ever happened..
now silence is the best thing to do..

ok bye..R.I.P

2006-05-11T15:37:00.000+08:00

Im down with fever again..and now im home alone..im down with fever for @#4363792712812 times in just a year..i just had fever last month and this month im having fever again..but nevermind its ok..coz tomorrow is holiday..wooh0oo!!

The weather is quite hot nowadays..and its gonna rain soon i guess..school was quite ok..whats the ok?coz i have a new clazmate..woohoo..and she is gerek.. easy going and fun to talk to..coz she loves to talk and i loves to hear her talking hahaha..i can get along with certain ppl only..i think i can get along with her..coz she likes to laugh and can be irritating at times like me haha..

All of the modules were so boring whats more the teacher..can bring to sleep..
operating XP bla bla bla is waay too boring..i think what bores me is the teacher..and he is lame..baahh..overall the modules i dun really understand except for visual basic atleast i learn something..learn how to make calculator and it is so complicated..

woot..i didnt noe that mothers day is this sunday..i think coz i dun bother to noe.. everyday is mothers day..boohoo..nonsense..
and i think i miss my grandmother..so long i never visit her..will do that on the weekends i think..
and i hate taking public bus..it is so the irritating..school kids with the smell, noisy noisy noise pollution, gelojoh nyonyahs and stupid spolit aircons..baahh
i rather walk or cycle than taking the buses..baahh if i want..haha

ok thats all i can update..wanna take some rest..gudbye..

2006-05-06T00:18:00.000+08:00

Sedihnye hati bile kenang kan semua kenangan yang lalu

-_-

2006-05-04T16:35:00.000+08:00

Worst

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...thats what im trying to do calmly..im dealing with my tsunami up and down life..trying my very best to survive if i can..Back to school,hell..just a word to describe what is school..i have to be patient and endure in silence is all i can do..can't wait to graduate from that school or worst that class..hell..

Im back again for idunnoewhy.. after a month of not being stress from schoolthatsisknownashell, here it comes again the tension stress hatred and-what-ever-is-related..heerrgghh..maybe lots of ppl might be happy and enjoying their school life but i dun..we dun..maybe not now i guess..and i miss my friend Aisha..after so long i never get to meet her again..and she left just like that..and no more of sharing stories like we used to..baahh..thats how worst my life can be.. all i can do is wishing her all the best in her life...

and i hate ppl to accuse me for nothing..due to the pekak-badak-tlinge-torek-kappe also known as buderk..if i can i would have sue you in court for that wild accusation..idiot..testing my boiling point only..wish you could trip and fall from the stairs and lose all your teeth!

I think i love Visual Basic and Java..for now i think..and my teacher is from China..and HE speaks damn softly that i think i can hear ants speaking more louder..haarrgghh..more worst..

I really cant wait to get out of this school but not forgetting with good gpa points to go higher nitec..hah

I dun have enough rest nowadays coz of the stupid timetable..worst is wednesday i'll be back home only by 7..baahh

Dear readers, what will you feel when your own flesh and blood wouldnt accept your existance and accept fo-who-you-are? absolutely damn heartbreaking rite?

i wouldnt even noe that i'll be born to this world..hah i dun wanna talk about this anymore..

i wish Along was here rite beside me and give me hopes to carry on with life..but too bad he will never ever can be here rite beside me..Along is the best existance in the world..i can only live with you in the midst of thin air..im still hoping for him anyway..in wonder world we can live happily ever after but this is not the ending, with Ibu,Along and not forgetting yours truly adekmu..what a happy life..

And im tired of waiting..waiting for??hmm..i dun noe what to say more..just go and enjoy urself and next when you're in trouble come and find me..thanks..This is world..full of controversi and wateva..

hah i'll end here..what a long entry..

gudbye..

2006-04-28T11:25:00.000+08:00

Last Resort

I thought my heart will stop beating..and never had the chance to see the world again..but theres another chance given..coz the world loves me..but i dont love the world..so thats why..

Deep deep inside my heart theres a wound that can never be healed..i guess..its so pedih sungguh pedih..i dun noe..most ppl tend to always lie and give FAT n FAKE hopes to me..ive always been the one waiting and in the end im the one who suffers..when ppl promised me anything..i'll keep it and wait and in the end the story will turn out to be different..somehow i told and ask myself am i that really stupid??so thats why ppl tend to take advantage..ppl pls stop it im not an idiot that you can as and when you like you come and go like fark..

Sometimes i really hate myself..but not all the time..i noe im just like a piece of blank paper that is waiting to be written on..dont you agree with me?

just like when you in need you'll come to me..i dont mind but everything has its limits..eversince from secondary school till now things have always been the same..i did bottled up all my emotions from sec school till now coz i dun noe how to share with ppl i really trust..baahh..every where i go criticism have always been my side..teachers looking down on students like me and certain ppl..pity us.. somehow i kind of hate them till now..sorry to say but i hate to hate ppl from the same race..but what am i supposed to do..i still remember when the times me and my friends were in dilemma..dont ask what dilemma are we in..this soul that sent from above, instead of giving positive remarks and motivate us to choose the right path, this soul never even care about us..instead this soul encourage the ones that its likes.. coz antare beribu satu lah pujaan hati.. in english its favouritism..i really hate favouritism bcoz of this it might coz ppl's self esteem to be low..that sec skools incident i will never forget..never never once i will forget..my momma once told me "pls forgive that someone but never forget them or worst dun ever forget their names" i will not..coz in years to come im gonna hate you..

like now ive hated my pari teacher that had coz my self esteem to be really low..

humans are humans..oh no im not here for revenge..im just venting my anger thats all..not happy when reading my blog..then get lost..

i think this will be my last time im updating my blog..i mean here..coz i think i hate ppl to read my blog.. ho ho then why do i have a blog right? hah i want to have a blog but no one to read it..

hmm ok la bye..

2006-04-22T13:10:00.000+08:00

Depressed

I thought of not blogging again or maybe have another url that is meant for me alone..i guess i shall put my ego aside..hhmmp..having another url that no one else could read it coz its made up of true facts and mostly from my heart..its more personal live journal..hmm maybe if i have the time i'll do it.. life have been going up and down like tsunami..baahh..im toooo depressed rite now..i dun wish for any disturbances..if anyone were to get near me, of coz my mood swings and i swear that person will get a real hard and big smacking on their face!!hahaha

im trying hard not to bottle up all my emotions that ive kept for almost 1 year and more..but things have not been going on its own way..who is to blame??hah i dun noe..try to test my patience i promise everything will explode within a minute..fark..everything has its limits..but why do ppl go over limit?coz they are tooo EGO and never look into the mirror..this is sooo iritating..

juz what i wanna say for now is I HATE GUYS.

dun ask me why..i mean guys with big attitude and too ego like fark..

ok bye!

2006-04-19T12:54:00.000+08:00

I've Killed my blog

So its DEAD

Goodbye

R.I.P

2006-04-12T12:15:00.000+08:00

Boring

Today the weather is hot..i can see the sun..like yesterday i saw lots of stars and a bright bright full moon..its so wonderful..or i think most of it are satelites..boohoo

Today i wanna go fly kite..but the thing is i dun have a kite and no one to accompany me..boohoo..i wanna read books but all the books ive already read..i wanna sing but its going to be noisy..i wanna meet someone but i dun think so coz its gonna be late late midnite..i wanna eat and exercise my mouth but all the foods are so boring and ive got no big appetite..ive wrote a letter but yet it has not been sent..i wanna cook but ive got no mood..last but not least i wanna sleep but as always i hate sleeping coz its so boring..boohoo..

im so dead worried now..have been wondering all nite where have you been..where have you been sleeping all this while..no matter what happened please go home.. your mom still loves and need you..your siblings needs you when in times of need.. i'll always pray for your safety..may allah protect you from any bad doings..amin..

ohh yar time fly really fast..next week the result will be out..and now im having butterflies in my stomach..the butterflies will fly away after i know the result.. double the worries..so much to think yet so little time to do..like twinkle twinkle little stars..haha so boring..and i need a pair of new skool shoes..wonder when i can buy it..arrghh..can i rob or something..haha

ok la bye i wanna rot infront of my mirror..

2006-04-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

Ako bored giler..arrgghh..i wanna go JAPAN..yeay yeay!! haha cam btol jek..but i wanna go there..dun ask me why..im so bored wanna watch some videoclips? haha for those radja fans berat dong..baaahh ok bye..

http://youtube.com/watch?v=frCy6PFwSQI

2006-04-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hot

Today the weather is quite hot..mr sunny sunny sun is back..and theres no more rainy raining rain..i guess..boohoo..and i think staying at home and rot is more better then being under the hot sunny sun..

Today its hot and im very tired..i perspire alot..since today i wen around geylang to find what i need since my father is bugging me..i feel so like makcik-makcik.. kwang kwang kwang..

and im slowly recovering from my sickness thats making me feel so weak..but..but..but..haha nevermind..

im so broke now..what am i supposed to do?i think i give up looking for a job..and time are flying really fast..and soon the results will be out..boohoo..anyone wanna top up my ezlink for me?baahh..

ITE--->IT'S THE END

..NO NO NO..okay!! ITE is the begining of an ending..dun you think so??ITE is not the end..i still dun get it and understand why theres still ppl with this kind of mindset..boohoo..okay wateva..

okay la bye..

2006-04-05T12:00:00.000+08:00

Sad

Yesterday, i had so much fun..i dun noe..even noe i wanna cry bcoz im happy, sad, and i dun noe..yesterday i was really sick and ive tried my best to be strong.. supergirl must stay strong hahaha..i hate coughs..my throat feel so itchy, i wanna cough cough and cough till i lost my voice..

yesterday nite was quite cooling..and i love it..and the more i love it was when i got to see someone whom ive wanted to see all these while haha..and of course that someone also lah woohoo..

and something that made me feel so sad that now i have the feeling of 'i wish' 'i wish' 'i wish'..how i wish..

And all this while i never knew you were someone that has the attitude that not everyone have..im really proud of you..im even more proud if you were to be my brother haha!! you are such a caring, understanding and loving brother..how lucky your siblings can be..hmmph im so jealous..i wish i had a brother like you..

i'll be so happy..i wanna cry seeing how you cared so much for your sibling.. how worried you can be..see not all brothers can be so caring and understanding for their younger siblings rite..boohoo..ok i better stop here before it get worst..

ok la bye..

2006-04-03T11:08:00.000+08:00

Sick

My dear friends, i dun noe why but something is bothering me..i think im suffering from an illness boohoo..touch wood..i dun noe..somehow i feel like its cancer in the brain or anything that are related to the brain or head..its very torturing mind you..ive been suffering the pain for i dun noe how long..i always have the positive thinking saying its my migrane thats making me more sick and losing my hair every single day..my mother always told me its impossible and its ridiculous..and what if its possible one day and whos gonna answer for that??tapi ako redha..

maybe ppl might be wondering..the fact is i dun even can afford to have my full medical check up..what more to work and earn money for myself when im not healthy and fit..but i dun want to burden my father what more to make him feel more disturbed to pay this and that..maybe if i have the chance and if its the end of everything i'll pray to allah to let me go without having my parents at the stake of burden..amin..subhanallah..

i wish i can tell everyone how much i appreciate every single soul around me..coz ppl say treasure as much as you can while you have the chance..if not then dun go crying bcoz everything is too late.. but we are humans no perfect..everyone makes mistake..at this moment while im typing, i feel like crying i dun noe why..

Kengkwn if ever i have to leave pls come to my house for the last time to see me..hahaha boohoo =(

Taburkan lah bunga dan siramkan lah air di atas pusara ku..Senyum lah disaat akhir kau menatap wajah ku..

hahaha we dun noe when we will leave maybe today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or next week next year??i dun noe..everything is written..

ok la ppl gudbye..

2006-04-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

Down

Im down with fever for the past two days..and now im having a bad sore throat..i cant talk too much coz my throat hurts alot..and now i look like a panda..i have dark eye bags due to my fever btol2 nye fever..and i think im gonna be botak one fine day coz im loosing my hair every single day..maybe due to my bad headache.. if only im really botak one day will you all still be my friend??boohoo =(

i dun really like the weather nowadays..its making more sick..boohoo..since when do i hate the rain?haha i also dun noe..

and my brain is not functioning properly..im like a retarded monkey..so dun bother to talk to me coz i wont understand what you are trying to say hahaha

better talk to my hands..

And i think im gonna be mute very soon coz ive no one to talk too since now is the skool holidays.. and I NEED MONEY..aarrgghh anyone wanna give me a job for only a few weeks??its so pathetic i noe..but i really need money..baahh..

Im waiting anxiously for my exam result..pray hard i get to the second year..if not then i'll hide blakang aisbox ah..

Eh bapak ako rock tau..tk caye eh?hahaha k takpe ah

k la bye..