November 14, 2009

Hey all. I'm back after such a long time of mia-ing. hah. Blame my pc for being dead for such a long time. Now bro's lappy is my only hope haha.

So my life is kind of in a mess right now. Gotta deal with loads of things yet so little time. This month is full of obstacles. Allah is giving me the biggest test in my life. I am no loger strong to face all these by myself.

Had alot of trouble in school. Iap sux big time! Teachers are being teachers. If only killing is not a sin, i would have done so. Teachers can go n fly kite! To me all teachers are the same. They love to abuse their power as a teacher. Never once in my life i met the most kinddest teacher. In my dream i guess. Nvm. its ok. Karma will get back to you damn heartless beasts!

Ok. enough bout school. I am not feeling gud right now. My heart is shattered to pieces. I am so sad. Ver very sad indeed. The fact of losing someone you love is so heartbreaking. Like ive said this is a biggest test for me. Nenek had been hospitalised since last week. Its over a week already. And now she's in icu. Fighting for her life. How much ive shed my tears won't make my sadness go away. But i have to redha. I know she's leaving us. I know it. She's been rambling nonsense eversince she's in icu. Im so heart broken to see her suffering.

Two days ago i went to visit her. She mistook me for my cousin. She couldnt even remember who just visited her a while ago. I doubt so if she can recall who i am. The minute i went in, i tried to stay calm holding back my tears seeing her with all kinds of wires being attached to her. A tube insert in her nose making it hard for her to communicate, with her both hands swelling my heart sunk. Then when its time for me and my aunt to make a move, nenek suddenly said sumthing that made me cried like someone just whacked me.

aunt:mak kite balik dulu eh?
nenek:ah yelah mak mintak maaf eh..

I knew i couldn't hold back my tears. I was sobbing in tears when i heard her saying that. When i wanted to go i usap usap her hair and told her nek pegi dulu eh. Then i went to my aunt and parents and told them wat happened. Paisey jap mate hidung sume merah. In my mind wondering why does she say that? why must she apologise? I know its the sign. And today was even more worst. Nenek told my uncle something that made me went speechless.

nenek:tadi ade budak kecik dtg sini mak tkde duit nk bagi budak tu..

I cried again when i was showering. Im ready to face whatever the fate is. Though im not strong enough to face all these. I'll frequent myself to visit her so i wont have any regrets if anything were to happen. I love my nenek n will always do. Nenek will always be in my prayers.

Ya allah kau ampunkan lah segala dosa nenek ku. Kau berikanlah ketabahan hati utk kami semua. amin.

ps: nek jgn pergi tinggal kn kite dulu k??




+ + +
* about
Jda
* daily reads
enter your links here.
* credits
senseless please leave my link for acknowledgement purposes.