November 23, 2009

21 nov, the day i will never forget till my last breath. Nenek pass away. Exactly ard 30 mins aft i came to visit her. We did not expect her to go too soon. We dun see it coming. Neither do i. I didnt noe that was my last time, my last chance to be with her.

That day, I dunnoe why but i got the strong urge to visit nenek early. My heart was telling me not to let nenek be alone. I wanna be the first person to be by herside. But then cik mah came first so i was the second person to be there. When i came cik mah was telling me nenek couldnt wake up. With her eyes closed, nenek was crying. The normal routine when i came i always usap her hair and kiss her forehead. I didnt noe that was my last time kissing her alive. I saw it too, nenek was crying. I wipe off her tears few times. Then abah came. Minutes later, i saw something was not right. Nenek breathing was different. Me and my aunt was panic. I quickly call the doc for help. Aft the doc check my nenek, nenek was salivating coz her mouth was opened. I quickly took tissue and wipe it off. Before that my aunt heard nenek mengucap. I saw it. I really saw it. I saw nenek was dying right before my eyes. I saw every moment. Me and cik mah was there during her last breath.

Unfortunately abah went away for a while. When abah came i told him what happened. The 3 of us was panic. I witness nenek went away. I saw her face from normal skin colour to pale. Then aunt and abah started calling everyone telling them nenek pass away. I stood there dumbstruck. I was in denial. I noe nenek hadnt go yet. Coz the doc told us they are helping to revive nenek. Doc told us that she had stop breathing but her heart still beats. I was shaking with tears flowing down my cheek. Then came the moment doc pronouced her dead. I am still in denial. I was the first person to kiss nenek on her forehead. I couldnt stop crying by then. To me, she was sleeping. Sleeping peacefully.

On the night itself nenek was brought to my uncle house. I read yaasin for nenek 2 times. I still couldnt believe she's gone. The next day was the last day we're gonna see nenek. Aft dikafankn its time for us to kiss her gdbye forever. Before that while they mandikn, i was crying non stop. Coz i kept on flashing back during her last breath. I get to kiss her. It felt so cold. That was the last time. Everyone get to kiss her. I followed to cemetery. We girls are not being encourage to go kubor. So us girls stand from far and look. That was the last time i saw nenek. Again i was sobbing i couldnt control my self. Aft every thing ended. Its time for us to go home. The very minute i knew nenek gonna be alone. All alone. I kept looking at nenek's grave. In my heart i was saying nenek knape nenek pegi..slamat tinggal nek..

I love my nenek soo much. I miss her. I miss her badly. Even abah realised that too. Coz everyday aft sch, i rushed off to hospital to accompany nenek. But now i dun get to do that already. When im going back home, the bus pass by cgh im reminded of nenek. How much i miss her. But at the same time im glad that im there for her till her las breath. Last thursday was my last time calling nenek and gave my salam to her. That was the last time i heard her saying wa'alaikumsalam. On friday she did not wake up. She chose not to. Till today. Nenek was asleep. Ya allah i miss nenek so much. I am badly affected by nenek's death. Today i went sch and they say my face was pale. Im not myself. Not gonna be better anytime soon. It takes time.

How much it hurts me deep down inside knowing that she's gone forever. Now i couldnt accompany nenek anymore. She's all alone. Till now, i can even smell nenek. Everyday i kiss her she had gt this powder smell. I can still hear her cough. Her breath. I miss her. Today in sch i even cried. I miss her badly. But i got to redha. Everyone will go when the time has come.

Al-fatihah
Ning bte Jamal

I miss you nenek. Semoge roh nenek dicucuri rahmat. dan semoge allah tempat kn nenek bersama org2 beriman dan dijaoh kn dari fitnah kubor dan azab api nerake. amin. Nek, nanti kite jmpe kat syurga k? I love you nenek. Wait for me k? I miss you.




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